Dandelions delighted by delectable delirium

2012-04-14T11:52:00.002-07:00

I have not felt like writing in my blog. I’m sure the two people who actually read me have been immensely disappointed. A lot of things I want to write about, but I just don’t have the interest or discipline to write about them. I decided just to paste some comments I made about recent films I’ve seen. I keep a movie viewing notebook, and I jot down a few comments about each film I see. It may seem as if I like a lot of film, but I only rent/buy/watch movies I am fairly certain I’ll enjoy. Here are those films:

THE CAT’S MEOW ***
a good recreation of the period
Bogdaovich maintains a nice claustrophobic atmosphere
Jennifer Tilly and Joanna Lumley are standouts

LOVE AND LEARN (1947) ***
too silly, but it is amusing for a Sunday afternoon (the time I saw it)
Janis Paige is wonderful.

MADELEINE (1950?) ***
too long
Ann Todd is too old for the part. She looks more like she could be the character’s mother
direction that gets the mood and builds tension
script is literate and the courtroom scenes are done well

THEY ALL LAUGHED (1980? 81?) **1/2
brilliant set pieces, but the pieces never gel into one cohesive narrative
too much of Ritter’s schtick
weak script

DEFENDING YOUR LIFE (1991) ***
funny, incisive, but it doesn’t reach its full potential
wanted more of Lee Grant
Meryl Streep is luminous

A PLACE FOR LOVERS (I’ll guess 1969) **
gorgeous scenery
there is absolutely no story; most of the movie is Dunaway and Mastroianni posing
one good scene: Dunaway is driving through the mountains like a madwoman
so odd it holds a certain satisfaction

50/50 **1/2
Joseph Gordon Levitt and Anjelica Huston give Oscar-calibre performances
the film is too gimmicky
never settles for one tone or allows the emotion to speak for itself
Seth Rogen sinks it. He’s an annoying presence. He’s not amusing, attractive, charismatic, or talented.

ALBERT NOBBS ***1/2
Glenn Close hits all the right notes. I never felt she was commenting on her character the way PSH did in CAPOTE
the script has so many neat touches: humour, humanising minor characters
Janet McTeer and Pauline Collins are a joy to watch

ANOTHER THIN MAN ***1/2
clever mystery
Myrna Loy is excellent
witty and sophisticated.
liked this better than the original

SHADOW OF THE THIN MAN (forties?) ***
too many characters
not as funny as ANOTHER THIN MAN
still entertaining for a lazy day

BEYOND ***/12
Noomi Rapace owns every scenes she’s in
Tehilla Blad as the younger version is heartbreaking
predictable story given more depth

TOMBOY ***1/2
held my interest from beginning to end.
child actor is phenomenal
the bathtub scene was not necessary

FOOTNOTE ***1/2
biting and acidic comedy that resonates
the small office scene is one of the best scenes I’ve watched in a while. Every second was perfect.
liked that a lot was left unspoken

THE KID WITH A BIKE **1/2
the kid is insufferable
The film never answers why viewers should give a shit about this child, or why the hairdresser tolerates this behaviour
tonal issue: too much fantasy coupled with stark realism
the ending is very strong though.

DECOY BRIDE ***
good performances
doesn’t always go the predictable route which makes it enjoyable
pleasant enough romantic comedy

LE HAVRE ***1/2
highly amusing character driven comedy
wanted it to go on longer than it did. A bit too short for me.

KLUTE (1971) ***/12
Fonda deserved her Oscar for this. She owns every scene she’s in.
they cast an actor who just screams “he did it!” every time he appears
script focuses on characters rather than the plot

MY SISTER EILEEN (1942?) ***
Rosalind Russell is a great comedic actress
supporting actors can be entertaining.
Janet Blair as the sister is given little to do.

THE BIG CHILL (1983) **
too much damn music. IT never stops.
the writing is so superficial.
the film never quiets down to let us get to know the characters
Glenn Close comes out best, but her character is not well written.

THE BIG EASY ***1/2
Ellen Barkin is outstanding. Dennis Quaid is very good.
moody script and direction add to the film
the ending is such a letdown. Badly choreographed, directed, edited. It mars a near perfect film.

ANOTHER HAPPY DAY ***
Ellen Barkin should have been nominated for this film.
some of the supporting characters are not fleshed out and the actors go over the top
Ezra Miller’s character has too much screen time.

AMER ***1/2
stylish to the max
so many great images
interesting take on the giallos of the seventies

A CHORUS LINE **
Allyson Reed is fatally miscast. She can’t sing. She can’t act. She can’t dance. She can barely get out of a cab.
too much emphasis on the love story
Vicki Frederick and Audrey Landers give the best performances even if it’s obvious Landers can’t dance.

HUSTLE (1975?) ***
a large number of fantastic set pieces. So many scenes work.
A number of scenes could be cut (Borgnine and the hostage scenes for ex.)
liked the hard boiled noir feel
Reynolds is weak in a very important scene towards the end
Deneuve is Deneuve and that’s always a good thing.
Reynolds is so sexy in this.

YOUNG ADULT ***1/2
Theron is flawless. She also should have been nominated.
Oswalt is solid as well.
much better than Cody’s JUNO which I was not a fan of.
does not have Ellen Page which is a major bonus
Cody does not take the easy way out with the lead character.

Finding very little comfort

2011-09-22T22:52:00.000-07:00

I have no one I can confide in; no one I can share my sorrows and my pains. I’m always the one people go to to unload their problems. I’m the one that makes people feel better. I’m the one who comforts and soothes and tells everyone that everything will be okay. When I need that same comfort, I have no one to turn to. I’m not whining about it. It makes me sad that I have to deal with problems by myself.

As much as my family loves me, they make any problem into a big ordeal, or make it about them. I can’t abide that. Most of my friends (online or offline) use me as their unpaid life coach and therapist, but the reverse can’t happen. Sometimes, I don’t trust the person to handle what I have to say, or he/she can’t be depended on to keep it secret, or I say nothing as not to upset anyone. I’m an expert at saying nothing so as not to rock the boat. That will be hard to believe for some people, but it’s true.

As opinionated and passionate as I am, I often only give voice to a percentage of what I’m feeling because I know if I really let loose, damage would be done. I’m always very conscious of that. That’s not to say that I don’t forget and go for the jugular at times (usually a result of anger at myself for remaining quiet and/or being livid at a perceived injustice), but overall, I rarely say what’s on mind. Amusing because most of my relatives say too much so maybe I’m just reacting to being annoyed with their behavior.

Difficult for me to trust people enough to tell them how I’m feeling. It takes a long time for me to confide in someone, but I’ve learned that I don’t always choose the right person. Recently, my family endured a truly horrific event, and I needed someone with whom I could talk about my pain and anger. I have no one so it makes this trauma so much worse because I have to keep everything bottled up inside.

Laziness has its perks.

2011-09-01T19:36:00.000-07:00

There is one comfort to the fact that I have not been keeping up with the writing for this blog. I now know the people who lie to me when they tell me that they’ve read my latest blog entry. Code phrase for those who actually want to be honest about reading this: Glenda Jackson

Twitter part 1

2011-05-22T10:55:00.000-07:00

I think about all the people I’ve met through twitter, and how many of them I still talk to after my year and a half on twitter. So much has changed from the very beginning. I joined to follow @sometipsforlife and @supercheyne (formerly @spudcheyne) and now I’m following 395 people. I know some of them and others I don’t remember why I’m following them. As in life, people come and go. You drift apart, and you realize you have nothing in common or you come to the decision that you just don’t like the person. I have a few people I really don’t like, but I follow them because it’s less drama. In the past, I would keep following people I didn’t like or was not interested in simply so I would not have to engage in the “why did you unfollow me?” drama. “I think you’re a drunken self loathing piece of shit who I can’t stand” is not something I want to say to someone. Yes, I know. It shocks some people that I wouldn’t say that, but I’ve learned (although the lesson doesn’t always stick) that twitter is so insignificant to the rest of my life. Why spend so much energy on someone I most likely will never meet or ever want to meet? That’s not to say that people on twitter have not made a substantial impact on my life. They have, but I’ve grown weary of engaging in twitter drama. It serves no purpose.

I’m not an angel. I’ve been an asshole, and I’ve been unfairly labeled as an asshole. Once you’ve engaged in a twitter war, everything you tweet is ready to be interpreted as an attack. Nothing I can do about that. A substantial number of people only follow me because they wait for me to say something controversial or engage in another twitter war. Would I take back some of the things I said? OF course, but I also would not take back some of the things I’ve said. Some people are indeed self-destructive scum and I see no point in saying otherwise although I have learned that not saying anything can be a powerful tool. I’m not the center of someone else’s universe, and in the end, what I say about/to them doesn’t matter so why get my self worked up about someone I have no respect for? I just ignore them if I can. Some people you just can’t escape, but I grit my teeth and refuse to write something that will cause chaos.

It takes a lot for me to unfollow someone I’ve followed for a long time. I always hold on to the hope that we can somehow go back to the time when our twitterman/twitter relationship was beneficial to both of us. I unfollowed someone recently because a majority of his tweets were about his affection for Chris Brown. We had a nice and casual twitterlationship but I just could not get past supporting someone who beats up women. There was the man who I had developed a bond with over the last year and a half. I thought he was the sweetest, most thoughtful man. We would engage in discussions on various topics, and we respected each other’s opinions mainly because we completely agreed. When he took a job in direct opposition to those beliefs, I became the enemy, and he attacked when I tweeted something I had said many times before, and something he had agreed with. I was shocked by his response, and it made me reevaluate how I’ve used twitter and how I’m really connected to people on twitter. I can never look at him the same way again. Every positive feeling I had for him ended that day. It shows me that loyalty to someone isn’t always rewarded when your loyalty doesn’t serve his bottom line. Threw me for a definite loop.

Proud gay man

2011-05-22T10:40:00.000-07:00

I’ve noticed that if I publicly state that I’m proud to be a gay man a lot of people are unnerved by this. If I were to say that I had decided to have straight sex, those very people would be overcome with joy. I would be congratulated for taking that step. You can’t be considered a good gay if you don’t have sex with women. Sorry, not happening. My sexuality is not about rejecting or sleeping with women. It’s about confirming my love and desire for men. I’m not a self loather who thinks having sex with women makes me more masculine. I’m proud to be a gay men. I’m proud of my passion and connection to other men. I do not need to prove anything by having sex with women. I know by saying this that I’ll run the risk of being called a woman hater, but it’s not about hate. It’s about being tired of heterosexual sex being a prerequisite for being a gay man. I don’t understand gay men who think that way and I certainly can’t respect them.

Logan McCree and the horror of the "gay"

2011-05-19T12:47:00.000-07:00

I’ve been asked what I think of McCree going straight or saying the vagina “feels right.” Some have been outraged. Others think he’s wonderful for being “beyond labels.” I think self loathing is an adjective that describes him especially if you read and watch some of his previous comments. My main reaction is that I can’t be bothered. I’m not going to waste time on someone who puts out anti-gay messages. Don’t think what he has said is anti-gay? Read his remarks as if they are a testimonial at an ex-gay retreat. How many of his supporters would champion those testimonials? Watch his interviews where he does nothing but put down gay culture (as if gay men belong to one monolithic culture). Here’s another thing to consider: if public figures coming out is so important to young gay men, why can’t the reverse be true? Why isn’t it destructive to see someone like McCree spout anti-gay rhetoric, give his “vagina feels so right” interview to a woman who states that vaginal intercourse is the only sex that really matters, and then say that straight sex is what feels so right to him? Why wouldn’t that be harmful to gay men who saw him as a role model? Yes, some will say he’s still a role model for not being boxed in by sexuality, but how many of them would say the same about Exodus ex-gay testimonials? There is always talk about the destructive images of barebacking in porn, but what about anti-gay images? Do some people only think images matter when it serves their agenda? Apparently so from some of the positive comments from McCree’s remarks.

That brings me to gay men/queer men/gay men who won’t say they’re gay who do nothing but denigrate gay men and gay culture. “Gay men are so dramatic. Gay men can’t be trusted. Gay men are shallow. Gay men are cheaters. Gay men are so weak.” Replace gay with black or Muslim. How many of those people would say those things about African-Americans, Muslims, or any other group? It would be considered offensive, but to bad mouth gay men is a badge of honor for a lot of these men. The unspoken undercurrent is that the speaker is so much better than the pathetic gay men and that straight culture is far superior. There are assholes of every sexual identity. There are assholes of every sex and gender, but for some, “gay” is again the unspeakable horror. I have also found that most of those who publicly eschew labels of their sexuality tend to be the very people who label men as “gay” so they can denigrate them. In the past week, I counted 17 tweets like this, and except for one, all were from “no labels” or men who claim to be fours on the Kinsey scale.

Labels

2011-04-17T22:12:00.000-07:00

Very short blog because I’m a lazy ass:
I find labels comforting and a source of power. I don’t get it when guys say “I’m beyond labels.” What exactly does that mean? In most cases, you’re either fucking men, women, or both. I’m baffled why gay men have such a difficult time saying, “I’m gay.” I have little patience with the “no labels” guys. I know I’m in trouble when I hear that phrase. They’re either bisexuals or they are the type of gay guy who hates anything gay, only wants to hang out with straight guys, and eventually tries to go straight unsuccessfully of course since self loathers are inept at everything but finding alleys, bars, and bathrooms. I want gay men who are proud of who they are, gay men who find it liberating to use the gay label just don’t label me a separatist. I’m beyond labels.

Gay Clubs and the Straight Women who love them

2011-01-12T19:13:00.000-08:00

There was a question on Formspring recently about banning straight girls from gay clubs. Everyone was aghast. How could you discriminate against the straight women! Gay men should know what discrimination is so why would you treat women the way gay men are treated? I had a different reaction. I’m all for banning straight girls. Every time the police are called to my local gay clubs/bars, it’s because a drunken straight girl has started a fight, attacked the bartender or gotten pissed because she couldn’t get a gay man drunk enough to fuck her. Not one gay men has been arrested in the 3 I’ve been legally able to go to bars. It’s always been the straight girls. For one week, the main gay club had a no straight women policy. You know what? No fights, no injuries, no police cars, no shutting down the club early. The straights and some gay men fought that rule so now we’re back to allowing drunken straight girls (usually named Jen, Laurie or Tiffany) into the clubs, and the drama continues. What does this have to with supporting gay men? Showing gay men affection? These clubs are designed for gay men. They’re spaces that gay men can come together to drink, dance, make out, and yes, hook up. Yet what do these clubs spend most of their time on? Cleaning up after straight girls. Worrying about when the next drunken straight girl will go off. Perhaps, Ohio just has an abundance of drunken straight girls. The straight girls in other states may be wonderful & trouble free. I have my doubts as I follow at least 3 gay men on twitter who’ve been injured because a straight girl started a fight in a gay club. Why are we worrying about the straight girls? Why do the gay men who go to these clubs have to tolerate this ridiculousness?

Yes, I know. I’ll get the discrimination argument, but why must gay clubs be open to straight women at all times? Straight women have so many options. They can go almost any place they want. Gay men do not have that same ability. Can you imagine 2 gay men going into Hooters or a sports bar and holding hands or making out? How many gay men feel comfortable going to clubs that cater to mostly straight men? We have gay clubs so that gay men can feel comfortable, feel a part of a larger gay community, be with other men. There is nothing greater than being in a room with gay men, and feeling the energy, the smells, the way we interact with other, etc. Straight women intrude upon this, and it pisses me off. If it were an occasional thing, it’d be different, and I’m not talking about the straight women who are wonderful & do not cause trouble (although I would prefer to have their admittance limited to certain nights) but I should be allowed to go to a gay club & not have to share my experiences with straight women every time I go. I don’t go to women’s only club meetings & try to make the event all about me. I allow that there are certain activities & events that should be for women only. Women should have places where they can go and be together without men interfering as we usually do.

I’m gay, but I’m not a half woman because I’m gay. I’m a MALE. I am also not one of those men who desperately wants to be seen as normal so straight men and women will like me for being more straight than gay. “Look at us! We have 2 dogs, a cozy home, like to spend our evenings in, bake cookies for our neighbors.” There is nothing wrong with that if that is who you are, but if your only reason for being that way is to get straight approval, I find that attitude pathetic. Live your life for yourself not to blend in and be “accepted” by the straights. I don’t play the normal gay card. One. I bake for no one, and two, I don’t see blending in as a good thing. I’m in favor of everyone maintaing their own distinct identities. Three: I don’t perform for straight people. I never look for their approval of who I am and what I do nor do I want to be put in the position of giving approval to heterosexuals. I’m gay and that does not mean I’m looking to be a straight woman’s accessory while she’s between relationships. “Look at Suzie! She’s brought the best of the Spring 2011 collection of gay male friends to the party.”

I should be able to have a few spaces in my life where I can go and be surrounded by gay men & and have no outside interference from straight men and women. Don’t see why this is is so shocking. I’m not asking for separate societies. I’m asking for a room of my own so to speak: a place where I can go & be proud to be gay without diluting it for the consumption of others.

More of the best in gay porn 2010 (with a few worst of thrown in for good measure)

2011-01-11T11:50:00.000-08:00

More of the Best:
Paul Wagner--An out gay man in gay porn (says something when you have to point this out) who started on Sean Cody & has graduated to becoming one of the most underrated and consistently excellent performers. Always a smile, always a great performance, and he shows through his performances why a gay man doing gay porn is so important.

Hard Friction 2 and Hard Friction in Australia: I can’t tell if Hard Friction 2 is a great collection of scenes because I never get past the scene with Steve Cruz and Alessio Romero--two of my absolute favorites. They devour each other, and it’s a sensual flip-flip that I find so hot. There is nothing hotter to me than two guys who perform like they are into the fucking. Cruz and Romero could just talk (fully clothed) in a scene and I would get off because I find them so hot, but this scene is incredible. Cruz’s husband, Bruno Bond has an audition scene with a performer, and the way Bond and Cruz talk to him, tease him, and then Bond’s foreplay is slow and steady, and I can hardly bear it. I know Cruz takes over in the scene, but I never get that far. Bruno’s performance turns me on so much that this is the scene that prompted more sexual fantasies than any other scene. I’m so in lust with Romero, Cruz, and Bond.

Lex Sabre:Yes, he has a large penis. Yes, he’s uncut. Yes, he is a great top, but what I appreciate about him is the self-deprecating humor he shows in his scenes as well as on Twitter. Nothing hotter than a hunk with a sense of humor about himself. When Sabre is the top in a scene, he connects to the partner. He makes eye contact. He is an attentive top and caring top. Sabre has a recent scene on Suite703 that is probably the best I’ve seen from them in a while. Sabre looks incredible, and the scene has great rhythm, and Sabre turns in a fabulous performance as a bottom. Is there anything hotter than seeing an uncut dick loaded with cum?

A theme is emerging here, and it’s that I respond to scene where there’s a connection between the performers. I don’t respond well to mechanical fucking or where one performer (usually the g4per) shows no interest, and maintains the g4p distance from the partner. I want to see two (or more) men fucking in gay porn like they never want to stop having gay sex. I want gay sex to come across in gay porn as the greatest thing in the world--the way it is in real life.

Kennedy Carter and Kyle King--They did a Hot House live show where they chatted a bit, made out a bit, and then fucked. What made this scene work? The scene showed their personalities. It started off with them chatting, being playful, making out, and then the sex. There was real build up. They had such great chemistry and you really don’t see this kind of chemistry when the performers are bi (fake bi or not) or straight. **A minor gripe to the man who kept interrupting the scene to tell one or both of the performers to move or to do something. Shut the fuck up! Performers know what to do, and even if they don’t, I prefer a messy scene to a great scene interrupted by some asshole who won’t shut up. Let performers do their job!**

Rod Daily and Trent Diesel who use condoms in their scenes with women. I don’t enjoy straight scenes. They don’t turn me on, and I prefer my performers to be gay but I applaud these two performers for using condoms when most other “bi” models and g4pers go condomless in their straight scenes--sending the message that gay sex is so much dirtier. A fuck you to the industry that promotes and encourages condomless straight scenes, but goes into hysterics when it’s a barebacking scene between two men even even when the testing procedures are the same.

Another worst of Arpad Miklos to not only doing a straight for pay scene, but doing it in a very homophobic way designed to show how much of a man he is because he can fuck a woman with the best of the straight men: something every gay men should be proud of apparently so I much be a poor gay man for finding that idea despicable. My masculinity is not based on whether I top or whether I bottom or whether I can fuck women (which I haven't and will never do). I’m a proud gay man who doesn’t need to cater to self loathing gays or dilute my sexuality to appeal to straights & gay men who see straight sex as the ultimate in masculinity. I don’t need to prove anything. Miklos not only did the scene in an offensive manner but he did it without a condom, and then badmouthed gay sex, gay porn studios, and gay fans. Way to maintain a fan base. OF course, he continued to get hired, but what if he had barebacked a man? All hell would have broken.

Shane Frost--underrated performer who always gives his best. Another out gay man who is usually cast as a bottom (and he does have an amazing ass), but he’s a versatile performer who knows what makes a scene work: connection to partner, touching, kissing, and making the viewer think this is the best sex he’s ever had. Frost does all this and more.

Humor is so rare in gay porn. So much of it is so humorless, but John Magnum in Bottoming 101 for CocksureMen managed to be informative and sexy while maintaining a wicked sense of humor.

The Best of Porn 2010

2010-12-31T12:43:00.000-08:00

In no particular order:

Alex Slater--this performer is rarely spoken of or publicized on blogs, but he’s a furry chested marvel. I never get tired of watching him. He always performs as if he’s into it. His performances turn me on, and it doesn’t hurt that he’s so damn yummy.

Donny Wright--discovered him recently. He’s adorable and sexy and seems so humble. He has a fantastic body, but he never acts as if he knows it. That makes him hotter.

Spencer Reed--This man just oozes sex, and he’s probably the performer I’ve jacked off to the most. His Dominic Ford scene with Jake Steel is one of my all time favorites. He knows how to give a great performance.

Conner Habib--Another performer who instinctively knows what makes gay porn work. He’s furry, beautiful, and very intelligent. His blog is witty and thoughtful, and it puts mine to shame. He also manages to get his opinion across in a non-confrontational way which I admire since I’m rarely evenhanded. He’s also someone I make sure to check on Twitter because he is always entertaining and he offers the best books and films to read/watch.

Dominic Ford and CocksureMEn: the sites I frequented the most. All sites have good and bad scenes, but these two sites consistently strive to provide great gay sex scenes. They’re innovative, customer friendly, and they bring out the best in the performers. The Alessio Romero/Conner Habib CocksureMen scene is incredible. Simply one of the best scenes ever produced. Conner Habib has a fantastic scene with Chris Porter on DF, but I’d also recommend the scenes with Colby Keller, Spencer Reed, and Brad Star who DF helped me develop a crush on.

Devon Hunter: for his beauty inside and out; for his honesty and for having an amazing ass.

Tucker Scott:adorable, true to himself, a first rate performer, and someone who makes gp a better place.

Colby Keller: he has the most incredible blog; he’s drop dead sexy, and he’s another underrated performer.

Jeremy Bilding: Yes, he’s gorgeous, but he’s also thoughtful, entertaining, witty, and he has been extremely kind to me offline/online the past year. Not only that, but his rimming scene with Vance Winter is one of my all time favorites. He also makes his scene partners spontaneously cum which is a great trait to have in gay porn.

Jasun Mark and John Tegan: for their patience and for their understanding, but also for doing their damndest to bring the sexy and funny to gay porn.

Steve Cruz and Steve Bond: simply because they’re furry and gorgeous and I lust after both of them.

Jimmy Clay: don’t know what it is about this guy, but he gets me going.

Brandon Lewis: for a man that advertised himself as straight when he first arrived, he performs every gp scene with gusto. He never disappoints, and he does it with a great smile on his face.

Austin Wilde: beautiful just beautiful. Enough said.

Bret Wolfe: retired from porn, but still had to include him because I can’t imagine not putting him on a best of list.

Robert Chandler: Who hasn’t developed a further appreciation for foreskin since he came on the scene? Another gay friendly director/website owner. He also showed grace under pressure.

Pornobobbie: the biggest heart in the gay porn socialite world and someone you want to have as a friend.

Drew Cutler: I knew of him for non-porn reasons, but I’ve grown to like his scenes, and I like the interest he shows in his scene partners.

Alessio Romero:such a great role model for gay men. He shows sobriety can be sexy and he gives his all in every scene. He’s a sex machine & I can never get enough of him.

Collin O’Neal: offers great sex scenes between gay men. He’s a man who supports gay performers as well as his gay fans.

I have more Best of, but real life is calling so more best of later..

The Worst in Gay Porn 2010

2010-12-07T15:46:00.000-08:00

1.Worst Film of the Year: Steven Daigle: Stalked. One of the most unsexy & poorly directed films I’ve seen. The film has no pacing, no build up of any sexual tension. The director would cut away from performers in the middle of sex scenes so that performers could not build up any sexual chemistry with their partner(s). The thought seemed to be “let’s throw a bunch of men in a room and I’ll just aim the camera at various spots in the room.” When a director is constantly cutting away from Tommy Defendi, the director should not be working in porn. Defendi ALWAYS delivers when given a chance. During Defendi’s scene (which is interspersed with a group scene), there is fake porn screaming. Whether it's Defendi or someone else is hard to tell.This movie was cringe inducing for all the missed opportunities. Leo Giamani is always a dud, but Tommy Defendi, Adam Killian, and Alessio Romero deserved better than being trapped in this unsexy mess of a movie. (Lest anyone think I selected this out of spite, I provide a link to just one of my comments I wrote months before any twitter drama I engaged in: http://www.justusboys.com/forum/showpost.php?p=6014198&postcount=11

2.Worst Online Company: Randy Blue. Randy Blue is the online equivalent of Stalked. They have many attractive performers, but their sex scenes are joyless, sexless, mechanical, and I’m convinced that the people filming the scenes must be straight despite reports to the contrary because I’ve never once watched a Randy Blue scene and felt the director knew anything about gay sex. Compare a performer’s Randy Blue scenes to the scenes he does once he leaves, the difference is stunning. This is the company that continues to employ Malachi Marx after all the anti-gay sex comments he made. If I were a gay business that caters to gay men, no employee would remain employed after making comments like Marx did. Shows the contempt Randy Blue has for its subscribers.

3. Worst Trend in porn: the hypocrisy of labels. We’re constantly told that labels don’t matter, but that’s such a lie. Gay porn thrives on labels. If labels do not matter, why not just have the gp actors perform in a scene without labelling their sexuality? I’ve seen sites where the sexuality of the performers was not highlighted, and the scene did not lose one ounce of sexiness. Instead, the straight man must be identified, straight men must pretend to be bi, and if a performer is gay, the description of the scene must indicate how brave/open-minded the straight or bi performer is for engaging in GAY SEX. Logically, one might question how “openminded” a bisexual needs to be to have gay sex, but I’ve lost count this year of the number of times a “bi” performer has been applauded for sucking cock, rimming, and having gay sex. I never gave bisexuality much thought before I started watching gay porn since I prefer my men gay, but now I never believe a performer who says he’s bisexual, because gay porn has used “bi” so dishonestly, and most of the time, the bi performer shows little interest in gay sex in his gp scenes. For the best answer on why you shouldn’t label, look up John Magnum’s interview with Jasun Mark. His answer is the only I’ve heard that makes sense.

4. Worst Trend 2: the hypocritical attitude towards barebacking: EVERYONE in gay porn has profited from barebacking. Nearly Everyone has been paid to do a scene with someone who’s barebacked. Nearly every studio has hired a performer who has barebacked. Most online studios/personal websites receive ad revenue from bareback sites including those sites who claim to be anti-barebacking. Everyone has participated in an awards show where they knew BEFOREHAND that there were awards for bareback films and performers. And there’s some bizarre notion that unprotected sex with women in straight scenes is not barebacking. It is barebacking. For the record, my issue is not with barebacking. It’s with the hypocritical tut tutting that goes on. Don’t take a holier than thou approach when you’re profiting from the very thing you publicly disdain.

5. Worst Trend 3: Pussy talk. For a while, some online sites would begin their gay porn scenes by having the performers talk about how much they love pussy. The “straightness” of the performers had to be emphasized at all costs. Sean Cody was the major player in this. For a while, every scene had to open with the performers talking about girlfriends & pussy. Viewers were completely turned off (something a performer admitted in a SC scene), but it was Devon Hunter’s expose on Sean Cody that ended this. Now, it’s a Where’s Waldo? activity to find any definitive statements about a performer’s sexuality especially if he’s straight. Strangely, people are finding the scenes hotter and more viewers are reacting positively to the changes.

6. non-rimming: If you’re going to set up a scene so that rimming is going to happen, make sure rimming DOES HAPPEN. The fake blowing on the ass or kissing the ass cheeks is not rimming. It’s fucking annoying to watch. Your performer doesn’t want to rim? Don’t hire him! Stop hiring performers who don’t want to have gay sex! Suite 703, you need to learn what rimming is because so many of your rimming scenes are so fake. Alexsander Freitas is a beautiful man, but I’ve lost count of the number of fake rimming scenes I’ve seen him in. Maybe, he’s improved. I don’t know. His fake rimming scenes were so comical I could no longer take him seriously as a performer.

7. Bait Bus: this site has the potential to do something truly subversive, but by using a word like “faggot” in your fantasy set up, you ground the scene in reality. The scene becomes less about a “straight” man learning the joys of gay sex. It becomes about the use of the word. I know there will be those who say that “faggot” is important to the scene, but if this is a fantasy scene, why the need for realism? The scene can exist without the word, and back in the spring, those who run and promote the site admitted they would never use the word “nigger” in any of their scenes” so why the double standard?

8.The swallowing up of porn studios so that you’re going to have more cookie cutter porn. A shame that people in porn didn’t watch TCM’s documentary on the collapse of the classic film studio system. They might have learned something. That NextDoorStudios is this powerful is a bad day for gay porn.

9.Performers who lash out at fans who criticize their work or have an opinion about gay porn (criticize not attack--there’s a difference), but then take to twitter, and bad mouth scene partners for over a year, fellow porn performers, attack mainstream actors/films, singers, writers, etc. all while saying how they don’t like “negative people.” I suggest these people invest in mirrors

10. Samuel O’Toole: Pains me to put him on here because I think he has potential. He also seems like a very nice guy, but his gay porn scenes have been mediocre at best. His popularity certainly was not because of his work. It was mainly because he was seen as a straight guy with a big dick. He even took to twitter to explain why his first scene was so bad. He was irritated that people thought he was g4p based on his first scene. For someone who claims to be bi, you wouldn’t know it from any of his scenes. He looks so confused in most of his Next Door scenes, and despite his winning personality, nothing connects. His scene on Cocksuremen was a major improvement, and he stayed hard for most of it, and I hoped that it would take him in a different direction, but his scenes for NExt Door have not worked. Based on most of his work, I don’t buy him as bi; don’t think he’s truly interested in gay sex and I don’t have much hope now that’s he contracted with Next Door. I hope Samuel O’Toole can be made into a good performer. He’s certainly not the worst, but he’s the most disappointing because he offers the promise of a great gay porn performer that you don’t see with Girth Brooks, Alexsander Freitas, Trystan Bull, Vince Jones, Jason Adonis, Reese Rideout, Berke Banks, etc.

11. My final worst of is to the studios: stop hiring performers who don’t want to have gay sex, don’t want to rim, don’t want to kiss, don’t want to suck, don’t want to do anything but watch straight porn off to the side and get their paychecks. Stop insulting your fans. Stop diluting gay porn with these fools. Anyone who can not meet the requirements of doing a first rate gay porn scene should not be hired. It’s not “just sex” as some would have us believe. It’s gay sex, and gay men know the difference between passionate gay fucking and the mechanical anti-gay sex that so many studios put out these days.

Short but sweet

2010-10-13T10:00:00.000-07:00

Do you follow someone who fascinates you because of the daily changes in his personality and attitudes? There are a couple guys I follow simply because I’m shocked that they can get out their front door without injuring themselves. That these guys can function in the real world is astonishing to me since they don’t seem to grasp the fundamentals of daily life. I’m not criticizing them per se; I find them endearing and amusing in an observational kind of way.

27 questions I ponder when I'm high on ecstasy

2010-08-13T20:52:00.000-07:00

Why are so many people (including gay men) so frightened by gay men getting together? If we want to have gays only meeting or dance nights, there’s an outcry that we’re discriminating against non-gays. These very same complainers never protest all women’s night or the daily straights only clubs, but somehow, gay men gathering together is something to be feared.
Why are some people so fascinated by gay men having straight sex? I find this so insulting, but I know some people get off on a gay man having sex with a woman. Not sure I want to know the reason. I’m sure it has something to do with wanting the gay men to be straight after all. Do straight men get asked if they’ve had sex with men? Are the very people encouraging gay on woman sex, encouraging straight guys to have gay sex? I highly doubt it. I’d bet money they’d never dare ask a straight porn star to have gay sex. (Once asked a gay pornblogger who encourages straight for pay if he ever encouraged straight porn stars to go gay. His response was “I could never do that. They’d get pissed off.”)
Why do people on the sidewalk jump when I yell “Shark!” as I’m driving past?
Why was Grease II considered a bomb? I like it so much more than the first one. I’m not usually into blondes, but Maxwell Caulfield is so hot in leather and on top of a motorcycle and who could resist “Cool Rider?”
Why when I grow to really like a show, do they do something so incredibly dumb that it angers me so much that I take them off my DVR or not buy the next season set? Thinking now of NURSE JACKIE. Didn’t read the reviews or comments about the show. I went into it fresh. I grew to really appreciate this sly and thought provoking series. So what happens? They get rid of the sexy, interesting gay character and replace him with the stereotypical, effeminate (nothing wrong there, but there are ONLY two types of gay men on T.V.: the “queeny” male and the repressed and closeted man). Producers of NURSE JACKIE: You suck! Why not get rid of the obnoxious doctor or the pill pusher?
Why are the very people who condemn drunk drivers (not something I condone) the very people who go through stop signs, red lights, and rush through residential streets to get to work?
8. Why is bottoming considered so weak and “feminine” by the very gay men who are scared shitless to bottom? It would seem to me that it would be a strong man who bottoms since bottoming is so frightening for a lot of gay men.
9. Why can’t I use the word, pee? I always say urinate. Or if I’m feeling exceedingly superior, I’ll say, “used the restroom.”
10. Why do I freak out when I send out a tweet that has typos or missed words. Am I the only one who deletes the tweet to send out an edited one?
11. Why do my favorites rarely win the Emmy or Oscar?
12. Why am I on the 8 out at time Netflix plan when I rarely watch one disc a day?
13. Why are my questions getting more and more trivial?
14. Why do I attract people who are very literal-minded?
15. Why do so many anonymous people on Formspring want to know the taste of my cum and want to know if my friends want to get fisted?
16. Why do adult men get so worked up about Justin Beiber? It’s creepy.
17. Why are studios still releasing films in full screen editions?

19 things that make me happy.

2010-08-13T18:22:00.000-07:00

Since I’m usually bitching and moaning about something, I thought I’d list a few non-personal things that make me happy. I will try not to include anything sexual or porn related as I tend to rant about those two subjects

Going to my local arthouse to see films. I’m never happier than when the lights go down and the previews start. I go to see about 3 to 5 movies a week. I’d see more if most the films released weren’t so dreadful.
Reading. Reading has always been a great pleasure of mine. I read Encyclopedia Brown, Jackie Collins, and Agatha Christie mysteries in elementary and junior high school. MY family is full of English Lit majors: my two older cousins both have their doctorates in English Lit. My cousin Christian is majoring in British Lit and my sister minored in British Lit. I’ll read most anything, and one of my pleasures is buying books. I might even like buying books more than I like reading them.
John Gidding. The man is as close to perfect as possible. He’s gorgeous, intelligent, kind, funny, and I’d give anything to have a run down home that he could renovate. Curb Appeal: The Block is the thinking man’s porn. Gidding has the most beautiful hair and eyes, and I just want to feel his lips against mine.
Reading people’s best of lists. I get a kick out of seeing what someone enjoys reading or watching. I use these lists to make purchases. All comes down to number 6.
Making numbered lists make me happy.
Shopping. Whether it’s online or in a store, I get immense pleasure from spending money. I bought groceries at the health food store today, and it made me feel so fantastic. I spent more than I intended, and my mood brightened. Acquiring things gives me joy.
Watching Siskel and Ebert on YT or in their archives. Discussing movies is a real pleasure, but these two really cared about movies and they were intelligent and funny at the same time.
Being in NY. Walking to the Lincoln Plaza Cinemas; walking through Times Square at 3AM is so relaxing; going to see a musical or play; taking a cab to the Angelika; the moment I get off the plane and walk into LaGuardia, I feel a sense of relief and of being home.
Being in London. Same feeling of being at home. The Bfi; walking around Leicester square; visiting Jane Austen’s house; National Portrait gallery; walking past the London Eye at night, etc.
Listening to Cover to Cover with Jennifer Stone. It’s a 30 minute show on KPFA, and listening to it is my way of calming myself when something has pissed me off. Liberal, feminist, writer, creative, and a welcome relief from the mindless nonsense found on radio and television.
When I’m around gay men and only gay men. It’s nice to be in those situations where you’re not a straight girl’s best gay friend or having to make sure gay men don’t make a pass at your straight friend. I wish this happened more often: gays only events.
Alessio Romero and Conner Habib.
Watching sometipsforlife’s videos on YT.
Hole’s “Boys on the Radio” or anything by the Gin Blossoms.
Mangoes.
Being a smart ass.

GRIPES

2010-08-01T22:34:00.000-07:00

Why is it when I go into the post office there’s only one person working the counter, but there’s another person who just wanders around doing absolutely nothing? So I have to wait behind the woman who can never decide what stamp she wants to put on one envelope. The post office wants to cut back delivery days, raise prices, but they’re perfectly fine with making sure no one wants to come into the post office because it takes 20 to 30 minutes to do one simple thing.
Gay men who use “faggot” as a term of endearment. I know some men do it to take the sting from the word, but I find the word offensive, and no amount of reclaiming the word is going to change that. People still die over “faggot.” It should not be used lightly which brings me to
People who tell me to get over something or to relax. Tell me you don’t agree. Tell me you have no opinion. Tell me you don’t have strong opinions. Don’t tell me to relax or get over it when I do have a strong opinion.
People that you genuinely like and want to follow on Twitter, but who retweet tweets from people you made a decision to unfollow because you can’t stand them. And it’s not just one retweet. IT’s an all day thing. Unfollowing becomes unnecessary since you can’t escape the unfollowed’s tweets.
People who insist on telling you the plot of the movie even though they know you want to watch it. When you refuse to listen, they’re extremely disappointed that they won’t be able to ruin it for you.
The mailman always comes two to three minutes before I’ve finished a Netflix disc I wanted to get in the mail so I have to hurry up and get dressed so I can chase the mailman down.
And the inevitable gay porn rant from me: Why is it when there’s a new hot guy in porn he’s rarely gay? He’s either straight or claims to be bi which means I’ll be inundated with pics of him having sex with women (try going to most gay porn news sites and not seeing straight sex photos) which kills any interest I may have in him. I pay for every site I belong to. I pay for every movie. I’m not into men having sex with women. Turns me off, but for some reason, most gay porn caters ONLY to those gay men turned on by straight sex. A group of people I’ve never met in real life, but they make up a large number of anonymous gay men on gay porn chat boards. And if he’s straight or bi, the gay porn stars will crazy for him. When a new performer is gay, there’s hardly a peep.
Gay men who will accuse me of hating bisexuals or straight men because I want my money to support gay positive materials. Straight men and women have no problem with this. In fact, some of have encouraged me to continue this practice, but some gay men are outraged by this. Call me a separatist because I want to support gay men first.
The people at the health food store who block the deli or food counters so you can’t see what is there. They’re so afraid you might see something before they get to it.
10. Every time I go to a restaurant, a mother will bring her baby, and sit in the booth/table next to mine. Sometimes the baby is good, but I spend the rest of the time waiting for the baby to scream, cry, and be an annoying flesh monster. Some places are not for babies. Don’t know why this is so difficult to understand.
11. People who don’t follow you on Twitter, but insist on DMing you so you can NEVER respond to their DM.
12. People who take food from your plate without asking. If you want to try some of my food, ask me. I’ll give you some. Don’t just grab my food without asking.
13. That I never have the same cultural references as most of the people I talk to. I’ve never watched Lost, Family Guy, True Blood (well, one episode), Jersey Shore, the housewives, and I don’t watch American Idol and Big Brother so I feel left out of many conversations.
14. That as long as I live I will never be able to watch all the movies I want to see. That depresses me.
15. Staight women at gay clubs. They get drunk and make huge fools of themselves. They hit on gay men. They try to make their straight boyfriends jealous by kissing or feeling up a gay man. They cause fights, and I’m so tired of them. There are some great straight girls, but the majority of them are a nightmare when they’re in the gay clubs. Every instance of violence at my local gay club has been caused by straight women. When we have the rare gay males only nights, there is never a fight and the police never show up. Women in gay clubs are the meanest drunks.

Just a few films I've seen this summer

2010-07-18T19:47:00.000-07:00

The Last Station--A bunch of British actors get together and shriek and shriek and shriek. When they’re not shrieking, they are grimacing, crying, or throwing things. The movie has nothing intelligent to say about Leo Tolstoy and his wife’s fight to retain the copyright to his work. I never believed Christopher Plummer was capable of writing a run on sentence let alone great works of Literature. Helen Mirren has her moments, but her performance would have worked better in a comedy, and she ends up screaming most of her lines. Paul Giamatti is his typical useless self. The only emotion this overacted actor can portray is the fulness feeling in the before scenes of a constipation commercial. James McAvoy is miscast, and his character, a pain in the ass. The movie felt like a 5 hour miniseries that had 10 minutes of material. * out of ****

A Small Circle of Friends--A movie about sixties activism. It shows (rather well) how students reacted to the political upheaval around them. As a historical piece, it’s quite good, but as a movie, it doesn’t gel. It bites off way too much as it takes on the vietnam war, conservative v. liberal college administrators, the weather underground, feminism, lesbian feminism, free love, etc, and this distances the viewer from the material. It’s more a filmic textbook rather than a movie. Karen Allen and the late Brad Davis are fantastic in their roles. Allen in particular has a naturalness about her acting that is a joy to watch. She should have had a better career. Davis plays the brash Leonardo De Vinci, and he never shies away from playing this guy as the obnoxious asshole he really is. Jameson Parker (from a show called Simon and Simon) is the weakest of the three. He’s attractive, but his character is a bit of a cypher, and Parker doesn’t do much with it. There’s a strong supporting performance from John Friedrich as a Southern Republican turned Weather Underground member. Parker’s character should have been axed, and the movie should have concentrated more on this character. **1/2 out of ****

Equus--Yes, it’s the movie where a teenager blinds six horses with a sharp hook. The movie benefits from fantastic performances from Richard Burton, Joan Plowright, Colin Higgins, Eileen Atkins, and Peter Firth as the boy. Richard Burton in particular makes us aware of the psychiatrist’s own pain, and how his helping the boys can be his redemption for his staid life. The movie has two problems: it’s way too long, and it never establishes a point of view about the boy. What is his problem? Is he gay? The blinding comes after he can’t get it up for a woman, and his orgasmic scenes with his horse read like a description of gay sex. Close your eyes and listen to what Firth’s character actually says. But the movie also puts forth the idea that religion is the problem, and he’s replaced devotion to horses with devotion to God. Or the movie suggests that it’s a class issue. He’s striking out against the privileged class. As a result, it’s all a bit muddled. The blinding of the horses is brutal, and there’s a lot of frontal male nudity, but it’s not of the hand in underwear kind. The movie is held together by very strong performances. This was Burton’s last great performance based on a look at his imdb filmography. A movie that succeeds just enough to recommend it. *** out of ****.

I, Madman--This is a creepy, clever horror thriller that came out in 1989. It starts Jenny Wright as a bookstore worker who becomes obsessed with horror books. The killer in her book appears to have come out of the book to kill for real. The movie has a nice visual flair, and the director Tibor Takács throws in little comic bits that work and add to the enjoyment. Eighties heartthrob Clayton Rohner is on hand to take off his shirt, romance Wright’s character, and act confused and disbelieving. He does it quite well, and the two have a passionate and believable sex scene at the beginning of the film. It’s hard to take this film seriously as it does get sillier by the end, but it’s a low budget popcorn entertainment that’s a real joy. There is real energy and intelligence in a lot of what goes on in I, Madman. The film is rooted in character rather than gore. A definite recommendation. ***1/2 out of ****.

High Anxiety--Couldn’t even finish it. Turned it off after 20 minutes. Not one amusing line or action. Every thing in 20 minutes failed. This is the movie to torture me with if I ever stumble upon top secret government information or if I’ve done something to piss you off and you want to get back at me.

Gay Men and Pussy Talk

2010-06-24T09:32:00.000-07:00

Straight porn would NEVER tolerate one of their leading male actors doing a gay scene just for kicks. Any straight actor who would do that would never work with the major studios again. Yet gay porn actors do this all the time because gay porn isn’t about being gay. It’s about being straight or pretending to be straight. It’s about not being seen as effeminate. Don't believe me? Ask gay performers who don't top to explain why they don't bottom. The internalized homophobia is overwhelming. And remember, this is from gay men not straight men.

Not a day goes by where I don’t see images of straight sex or someone in the gay porn industry tweeting about how great pussy is (using pussy as that’s how it’s described). A lot of this is because so many straight men do gay porn so gay porn has become watered down. I’ve seen more images of nude women since watching gay porn. I wonder if straight men see images of gay sex all the time when they’re reading straight porn blogs. Don’t think so. They wouldn’t stand for it so why should gay men? Gay men are constantly being told that being gay isn’t good enough. Being gay isn’t normal. Being gay is okay, but being straight or porn bisexual is so much better. You’re only gay because you haven’t met the right woman. It’s one thing when this comes from anti-gay bigots or g4pers. It’s another when it comes from gay men or an industry that caters to gay men.

I like being gay. I like everything about it: the touch of a man, his cock, his ass, the way he smells, the way gay sex feels, and the way I feel around a man. I adore it. I don’t want to dilute it. I don’t want to see it as less than because it isn’t. It’s who I am. I am not gay because I hate women. Yes, the idea of sex with a woman disgusts me. The disgust is a result of having straight SHOVED IN MY FACE all the time. Most women aren’t bothered by that statement because they’re disgusted by certain sex acts as well. Women are more sensible when it comes to sex. Men not so much. While straight men are allowed to feel disgusted (as long as they’re not using that disgust as an excuse to remove our rights), gay men are constantly being told that we’re women haters or heterophobic. No, I’m gay. I’m not someone who feels the need to talk about pussy or sleep with women to prove I’m a psuedostraight guy and be part of the in crowd. I don’t want to be straight just as straight guys don’t want to be gay.

If you would never talk about the joys of butt sex to a straight man, why do you feel it’s okay to talk about pussy to a gay man? The consideration for someone's sexual identity should go both ways.
If straight porn refuses to have the fantasy killed, why should gay porn constantly destroy the fantasy by reinforcing the notion that being gay is something you can change by meeting a good woman? (see my post about g4p where I touch briefly on the homophobic publicity surrounding Shifting Gears for ex.)
When a gay porn performer does a straight scene, they always insult gay sex, say how a pussy is so much better, and gay sex is much more disease ridden. Don’t believe me? Use google. I’ll give you a headstart. Read Arpad Miklos’s interview on The Sword about his straight scene. Can you imagine a straight porn performer insulting his straight fans like that? Neither can I.
Only in gay porn so some companies start off scenes by having the men talk about how much they love pussy. Sean Cody is great at that. 2 minutes of pussy talk will go by before the straight guys can have unsexy, acrobatic sex. (won't call it gay sex as that would be an insult to proud gays who don't feel the need to talk about pussy just to have sex).
I’m sorry if I’m bothered by “Gay” men who sleep with women. I am. I can’t help it. It’s judgmental, but when you’re bombarded with images of straight sex, films showing that gay men sleep with women all the time, being told you’re a pervert for being gay, the last thing you want to hear is “gay” men telling you how great pussy is. What is wrong with wanting gay porn or discussions with gay friends to be free of images straight sex?

I just want one week where being gay is about being gay and that’s seen as a good thing. Where being gay is seen as enough. Where I'm not told that I should try pussy or that straight sex feels so good. Don’t think that’s too much to ask.

Even on vacation, I can’t resist the urge to rant. Going to Jamie Oliver's ITalian restaurant in Oxford.

Latest adventures in bottoming

2010-06-17T23:19:00.000-07:00

Well, my quest to become versatile in the bedroom continues. I decided last night that it was time once again to try to bottom with a dildo. I have one from Titan. It’s black and vibrates although I was too lazy to look for batteries so it wasn’t vibrating last night. Also didn’t have lube anal-eze. I decided to use olive oil. Yes, I know. I can imagine the groans from the handful of people who read this blog. When you’re in the mood, you have to improvise. I cleaned myself out. I lubed up the dildo and I tried to set myself down on it. This never works. I always aim too far or too short.This is where the pain comes as I’m often too eager, and I can ram it into places it shouldn’t be rammed. Not good. It took a few times, and it worked. IT never hurts. It doesn’t feel good. It doesn’t feel bad. It just feels weird. I was straddling the dildo while wearing headphones connected to my ipod touch. Don’t remember what porn scene I was watching, but I was moving up and done, and I was getting more aroused. More aroused from the scene and less from the dildo. Then, I got a foot cramp so I had to stop. I removed the dildo and massaged my foot. I was not to be defeated. I lubed up the dildo with olive oil which does smell fruity (ha ha) up close, and I sat down on it once again. This time, I got going, and developed a rhythm. The feeling of the impending orgasm was so intense that I got super excited and started jerking off maniacally. I lost my balance, fell over (dildo still in) and hit my head on the television stand. I wasn’t injured, and I came on the dvd player which annoyed me after I stopped laughing. You haven’t lived until you’ve checked to see if you got cum inside your dvd player. The thing is that the dildo doesn’t do much for me in itself. The orgasm with the dildo is certainly more intense so I do it for that reason.

Sabre 3

2010-06-16T17:40:00.000-07:00

Sabre 2

2010-06-16T17:29:00.000-07:00

Sabre 1

2010-06-16T17:27:00.001-07:00

What is a gay man?

2010-06-15T10:38:00.000-07:00

What does being gay mean? I never asked myself this question until I started hanging around more gay organizations, participating in gay message boards, and watching gay porn. MY simple answer is that a gay man is someone who wants to only have sex with a man and has the capacity to only have love relationships with a man. Apparently, I’m living under a rock because I see so many other definitions:

1.)A gay man is only gay once he’s dated and slept with women. When he rejects women, he’s magically gay. The underlying assumption is that being gay is about rejecting women rather than wanting men. Does that mean I’m not gay since I’ve never slept with or rejected women? Trust me, I’m not going back to rectify that.

2.)A gay man is only gay if he comes out. IF you don’t come out or don’t have to ( it was ALWAYS known I was gay), does that mean you’re not gay? A silly question, but I’ve had supposedly sane people assert you’re not gay until you come out.

3.)A gay man is someone who bottoms. Only a “real man” tops which I guess means that I’ve been a “real” man 95% of the time. A real, masculine man can’t be gay. He’s straight acting and so many gay men find it a huge compliment to be told they are straight acting. I’ve even seen gay men try to pass themselves off as straight in clubs. Why? Are you so insecure about being gay that you need people to think you’re straight? Is being gay such a loss of masculinity for you? I’ve noticed these men see bottoming as something beneath them, something feminine. There’s a real unspoken distaste for the man who bottoms with these “straight acting” men. And if they have bottomed or attempted to bottom, it’s as if they want a medal.

The Porn gay:

1.)A gay man is someone who must bow at the feet of a gay for pay performer. He must worship this straight man while the straight man shows absolute contempt for the man and gay sex. The gay must do all the work and must never expect anything in return.

2.)A gay man is someone who bottoms. Much like number three above, the straight acting men get to top while the bottoms are the stereotypically gay ones. If you start off as a top, but you bottom, you will most likely be relegated to bottoming roles. Once you bottom, you will lose your power as a straight acting man. A dick in your ass apparently makes you weak, less than, and a sissy. A dick wipes away your masculinity. The tops who may have bottomed in the past must always remind fans that they are “real men” in their private lives. “I would never allow a man to stick a dick up my ass in real life.” Good for you. You’re a straight acting man. See the number 3 man above for your medal.

3.)According to a lot of gay porn, gay sex is only performed when a gay man tricks a straight man, there’s straight porn in the background, or there’s a woman involved. Or in some cases, you can be as passionate as you want once you’ve begun the porn scene with “I love pussy” statements or you say that one of your fantasies is sleeping with a woman. I know there’s nothing I like better than hearing how much a man “loves pussy” (direct quote from a sean cody video) or fantasizes about straight sex when I’m trying to get off or have sex.

I’m just an inadequate gay man according to real life and porn, but I like being this inadequate gay man. I didn’t reject women. There was no reason to. I knew I wanted men and it had nothing to do with women. I didn’t have to come out. I knew who I was and I was not going to pretend and my family would never have allowed me to. While I top most of the time, I want to be more versatile. I don’t see bottoming as a loss of masculinity. I see it as simply adding another dimension to my sex life. Wanting to be straight and fetishing straightness seems like a waste of time. If you’re wanting applause from straights for being straight acting, it’s a losing battle. If you have sex with men, they will always see as gay or in some cases, a fag.

Sexual Slang for the Cock

2010-06-02T22:12:00.000-07:00

Sexual Slang for Penis:

Arm

Baloney

Banana

Battering Ram

Bazooka

Bent Stick: a non erect penis

Big Ben

Black Bart

Business

Charger

Cherry Picker

Conduit Pipe

Crank

Cucumber

Dagger

Dangling Participle (my personal fave)

Ding Dong

Dink

Dork

Engine

Flute

Frankfurter

Gristle

Gun

Hot Rod

Junior

Kielbasa

Knob

Kosher Pickle (circumcised penis)

Love Muscle

Love Root

Love Stick

Magic Wand

Maypole

Meat and Two Vegetables

Middle LEg

Peacemaker

Peppermint Stick

Percy

Piccolo

Pike

Pisser

Pistol

Plunger

Pylon

Rammer

Ramrod

Red Cap

Richard

Roger

Schmuck

Skin Flute

Stretcher

Stub

Swizzle Stick

Tootsie Roll

Wurst

Yogurt Pen

Interviewing Myself Part I

2010-05-02T19:52:00.000-07:00

Q. Why have you been having such a slutty Spring?
A: I’ve been a serial monogamist. I’ve had hookups, but they’re not usually my thing. Lately, I’ve been in a slutty phase. I’m turned on by anything with dark hair and dark eyes and even some guys who aren’t dark haired. I’m not one for anonymous hook-ups. I find them unsafe in a number of ways. I also need some sort of connection between the person and me. If there’s not, I could save the traveling or the money and fuck myself at home.

Q: Do you think bisexuality exists?
A:There’s porn bisexuality and there’s actual bisexuality. Most studies done have indicated that bisexuality is very rare. Honestly, I don’t care. I don’t think about bisexuality much except when people claim that all of us are a little bisexual which is completely false. I would never date a bisexual. If you’re into women, you’re not for me.

Q:Do you hate bisexuals?
A:I don’t hate bisexuals. I simply am not interested in getting involved with one. I have a certain type. Gay, dark-haired and dark-eyed.

Q:Would you ever have sex with a woman?
A:Interviewer, would you ever ask a straight man if he’d have sex with a man? Does the straight porn press obsess about its male performers having sex with men? Do straight male performers get asked repeatedly if they’d have sex with men? If the answers are yes, I’ll answer this.

Q:You must really hate women if you aren’t turned on by straight porn or by gay porn stars doing straight scenes!
A:LOL. You do realize what being gay means, right? Some of us gays like being gay. And since I PAY for ALL of my porn, I can be turned on by/and turned off by anything I want.

Q. Have you thought about doing porn?
A: I have. I’ve thought seriously about it, but I don’t think it’s for me. I would only do porn that was gay positive. I would not do a scene with a straight or bisexual man (and that’s because the bisexual has usually done a bi or straight scene). I would not work for a company that promotes straights as their exclusives. I would not work for any company that allows a straight man to do nothing in a scene while the gay actor does everything. Basically, that leaves me little to no options in gay porn.

Q:Why do you have a problem with straight men and bisexual men?
A:It’s not about having problems with straights or bisexuals. It’s about wanting to support gays and positive portrayals of gay sex in porn. I find it so interesting that wanting something to be by gays and for gays scares the hell out of some people. And by some people, I mean gay men. Almost every negative comment I’ve had about wanting my porn to be by and for gays only has been from other gay men. So many gay men have a real problem with anything gay. They’ll put it down, mock it, insult it, but speak lovingly about straight performers or straight scenes. I find it disturbing.

25 things I've never done.

2010-04-26T22:49:00.000-07:00

I’ve never dated a pale or a dark-skinned person. My dates or boyfriends are usually the color of vanilla latte. My latest ex is biracial, and most of my boyfriends have been biracial or Spanish speaking. I prefer dark-haired and dark eyed men. Although, I would be open to dating a blond man. I say that to be politically correct, but I’m not sure it’s true. Is Paul Wagner a blond? I’d make an exception for him. I would however date a pale or a dark-skinned person. It’s the hair color that’s a sticking point.
I’ve never eaten a twinkie.
I’ve never gotten drunk. The most glasses I’ve had is 3.
I’ve never read The Scarlet Letter even though I lie to my professors and tell them I have.
I’ve never been to most states in the South.
I’ve never mastered geography. Is Florida part of the south? I’ve been there.
I’ve never figured out directions so east, west, north, and south mean nothing to me.
I’ve never gone a whole week where I have not talked to my family.
I’ve never been dumped by someone I’ve dated.
I’ve never learned how to swim. Cable showings of JAWS and ORCA put a stop to that. (see #17)
I’ve never seen a single episode of 24, LOST, or SEINFELD.
I’ve never been able to throw away issues of THE NEW YORKER, OUT, HARPER’S and GENRE magazines.
I’ve never cheated on a boyfriend.
I’ve never had any impulse control when it comes to shopping. I often buy to be buying.
I’ve never changed a tire or taken my car to the shop to get the oil changed. A boyfriend or my family have always done it for me.
I’ve never completely mowed a lawn. The one time I tried to mow the lawn I ran the mower over my foot. It took four months to get back to normal.
I have never gotten over my fear or sharks
I have never been able to stand people who feel the need to make everything into a joke.
I have never slept with a woman. I have never wanted to sleep with a woman.
I have never dated a bisexual, and I doubt I ever will.
I am never been able to forgive myself for hurtful things I’ve done to other people. I obsess about them long after the people I’ve hurt have forgotten about them.
I have never been able to tell my cat no when he wants to be held or petted even if I’m in the middle of something important.
I’ve never been able to sit at the computer for more than 10 minutes without getting up and pacing back and forth.
I’ve never eaten at home on a Friday.
I’ve never seen less than 100 films a year at the movie theatre.