Short but sweet

Do you follow someone who fascinates you because of the daily changes in his personality and attitudes? There are a couple guys I follow simply because I’m shocked that they can get out their front door without injuring themselves. That these guys can function in the real world is astonishing to me since they don’t seem to grasp the fundamentals of daily life. I’m not criticizing them per se; I find them endearing and amusing in an observational kind of way.

27 questions I ponder when I'm high on ecstasy

1. Why are so many people (including gay men) so frightened by gay men getting together? If we want to have gays only meeting or dance nights, there’s an outcry that we’re discriminating against non-gays. These very same complainers never protest all women’s night or the daily straights only clubs, but somehow, gay men gathering together is something to be feared.
2. Why are some people so fascinated by gay men having straight sex? I find this so insulting, but I know some people get off on a gay man having sex with a woman. Not sure I want to know the reason. I’m sure it has something to do with wanting the gay men to be straight after all. Do straight men get asked if they’ve had sex with men? Are the very people encouraging gay on woman sex, encouraging straight guys to have gay sex? I highly doubt it. I’d bet money they’d never dare ask a straight porn star to have gay sex. (Once asked a gay pornblogger who encourages straight for pay if he ever encouraged straight porn stars to go gay. His response was “I could never do that. They’d get pissed off.”)
3. Why do people on the sidewalk jump when I yell “Shark!” as I’m driving past?
4. Why was Grease II considered a bomb? I like it so much more than the first one. I’m not usually into blondes, but Maxwell Caulfield is so hot in leather and on top of a motorcycle and who could resist “Cool Rider?”
5. Why when I grow to really like a show, do they do something so incredibly dumb that it angers me so much that I take them off my DVR or not buy the next season set? Thinking now of NURSE JACKIE. Didn’t read the reviews or comments about the show. I went into it fresh. I grew to really appreciate this sly and thought provoking series. So what happens? They get rid of the sexy, interesting gay character and replace him with the stereotypical, effeminate (nothing wrong there, but there are ONLY two types of gay men on T.V.: the “queeny” male and the repressed and closeted man). Producers of NURSE JACKIE: You suck! Why not get rid of the obnoxious doctor or the pill pusher?
6. Why are the very people who condemn drunk drivers (not something I condone) the very people who go through stop signs, red lights, and rush through residential streets to get to work?
7. 8. Why is bottoming considered so weak and “feminine” by the very gay men who are scared shitless to bottom? It would seem to me that it would be a strong man who bottoms since bottoming is so frightening for a lot of gay men.
8. 9. Why can’t I use the word, pee? I always say urinate. Or if I’m feeling exceedingly superior, I’ll say, “used the restroom.”
9. 10. Why do I freak out when I send out a tweet that has typos or missed words. Am I the only one who deletes the tweet to send out an edited one?
10. 11. Why do my favorites rarely win the Emmy or Oscar?
11. 12. Why am I on the 8 out at time Netflix plan when I rarely watch one disc a day?
12. 13. Why are my questions getting more and more trivial?
13. 14. Why do I attract people who are very literal-minded?
14. 15. Why do so many anonymous people on Formspring want to know the taste of my cum and want to know if my friends want to get fisted?
15. 16. Why do adult men get so worked up about Justin Beiber? It’s creepy.
16. 17. Why are studios still releasing films in full screen editions?

19 things that make me happy.

Since I’m usually bitching and moaning about something, I thought I’d list a few non-personal things that make me happy. I will try not to include anything sexual or porn related as I tend to rant about those two subjects

1. Going to my local arthouse to see films. I’m never happier than when the lights go down and the previews start. I go to see about 3 to 5 movies a week. I’d see more if most the films released weren’t so dreadful.
2. Reading. Reading has always been a great pleasure of mine. I read Encyclopedia Brown, Jackie Collins, and Agatha Christie mysteries in elementary and junior high school. MY family is full of English Lit majors: my two older cousins both have their doctorates in English Lit. My cousin Christian is majoring in British Lit and my sister minored in British Lit. I’ll read most anything, and one of my pleasures is buying books. I might even like buying books more than I like reading them.
3. John Gidding. The man is as close to perfect as possible. He’s gorgeous, intelligent, kind, funny, and I’d give anything to have a run down home that he could renovate. Curb Appeal: The Block is the thinking man’s porn. Gidding has the most beautiful hair and eyes, and I just want to feel his lips against mine.
4. Reading people’s best of lists. I get a kick out of seeing what someone enjoys reading or watching. I use these lists to make purchases. All comes down to number 6.
5. Making numbered lists make me happy.
6. Shopping. Whether it’s online or in a store, I get immense pleasure from spending money. I bought groceries at the health food store today, and it made me feel so fantastic. I spent more than I intended, and my mood brightened. Acquiring things gives me joy.
7. Watching Siskel and Ebert on YT or in their archives. Discussing movies is a real pleasure, but these two really cared about movies and they were intelligent and funny at the same time.
8. Being in NY. Walking to the Lincoln Plaza Cinemas; walking through Times Square at 3AM is so relaxing; going to see a musical or play; taking a cab to the Angelika; the moment I get off the plane and walk into LaGuardia, I feel a sense of relief and of being home.
9. Being in London. Same feeling of being at home. The Bfi; walking around Leicester square; visiting Jane Austen’s house; National Portrait gallery; walking past the London Eye at night, etc.
10. Listening to Cover to Cover with Jennifer Stone. It’s a 30 minute show on KPFA, and listening to it is my way of calming myself when something has pissed me off. Liberal, feminist, writer, creative, and a welcome relief from the mindless nonsense found on radio and television.
11. When I’m around gay men and only gay men. It’s nice to be in those situations where you’re not a straight girl’s best gay friend or having to make sure gay men don’t make a pass at your straight friend. I wish this happened more often: gays only events.
12. Alessio Romero and Conner Habib.
13. Watching sometipsforlife’s videos on YT.
14. Hole’s “Boys on the Radio” or anything by the Gin Blossoms.
15. Mangoes.
16. Being a smart ass.

GRIPES

1. Why is it when I go into the post office there’s only one person working the counter, but there’s another person who just wanders around doing absolutely nothing? So I have to wait behind the woman who can never decide what stamp she wants to put on one envelope. The post office wants to cut back delivery days, raise prices, but they’re perfectly fine with making sure no one wants to come into the post office because it takes 20 to 30 minutes to do one simple thing.
2. Gay men who use “faggot” as a term of endearment. I know some men do it to take the sting from the word, but I find the word offensive, and no amount of reclaiming the word is going to change that. People still die over “faggot.” It should not be used lightly which brings me to
3. People who tell me to get over something or to relax. Tell me you don’t agree. Tell me you have no opinion. Tell me you don’t have strong opinions. Don’t tell me to relax or get over it when I do have a strong opinion.
4. People that you genuinely like and want to follow on Twitter, but who retweet tweets from people you made a decision to unfollow because you can’t stand them. And it’s not just one retweet. IT’s an all day thing. Unfollowing becomes unnecessary since you can’t escape the unfollowed’s tweets.
5. People who insist on telling you the plot of the movie even though they know you want to watch it. When you refuse to listen, they’re extremely disappointed that they won’t be able to ruin it for you.
6. The mailman always comes two to three minutes before I’ve finished a Netflix disc I wanted to get in the mail so I have to hurry up and get dressed so I can chase the mailman down.
7. And the inevitable gay porn rant from me: Why is it when there’s a new hot guy in porn he’s rarely gay? He’s either straight or claims to be bi which means I’ll be inundated with pics of him having sex with women (try going to most gay porn news sites and not seeing straight sex photos) which kills any interest I may have in him. I pay for every site I belong to. I pay for every movie. I’m not into men having sex with women. Turns me off, but for some reason, most gay porn caters ONLY to those gay men turned on by straight sex. A group of people I’ve never met in real life, but they make up a large number of anonymous gay men on gay porn chat boards. And if he’s straight or bi, the gay porn stars will crazy for him. When a new performer is gay, there’s hardly a peep.
8. Gay men who will accuse me of hating bisexuals or straight men because I want my money to support gay positive materials. Straight men and women have no problem with this. In fact, some of have encouraged me to continue this practice, but some gay men are outraged by this. Call me a separatist because I want to support gay men first.
9. The people at the health food store who block the deli or food counters so you can’t see what is there. They’re so afraid you might see something before they get to it.
10. 10. Every time I go to a restaurant, a mother will bring her baby, and sit in the booth/table next to mine. Sometimes the baby is good, but I spend the rest of the time waiting for the baby to scream, cry, and be an annoying flesh monster. Some places are not for babies. Don’t know why this is so difficult to understand.
11. 11. People who don’t follow you on Twitter, but insist on DMing you so you can NEVER respond to their DM.
12. 12. People who take food from your plate without asking. If you want to try some of my food, ask me. I’ll give you some. Don’t just grab my food without asking.
13. 13. That I never have the same cultural references as most of the people I talk to. I’ve never watched Lost, Family Guy, True Blood (well, one episode), Jersey Shore, the housewives, and I don’t watch American Idol and Big Brother so I feel left out of many conversations.
14. 14. That as long as I live I will never be able to watch all the movies I want to see. That depresses me.
15. 15. Staight women at gay clubs. They get drunk and make huge fools of themselves. They hit on gay men. They try to make their straight boyfriends jealous by kissing or feeling up a gay man. They cause fights, and I’m so tired of them. There are some great straight girls, but the majority of them are a nightmare when they’re in the gay clubs. Every instance of violence at my local gay club has been caused by straight women. When we have the rare gay males only nights, there is never a fight and the police never show up. Women in gay clubs are the meanest drunks.

Just a few films I've seen this summer

The Last Station--A bunch of British actors get together and shriek and shriek and shriek. When they’re not shrieking, they are grimacing, crying, or throwing things. The movie has nothing intelligent to say about Leo Tolstoy and his wife’s fight to retain the copyright to his work. I never believed Christopher Plummer was capable of writing a run on sentence let alone great works of Literature. Helen Mirren has her moments, but her performance would have worked better in a comedy, and she ends up screaming most of her lines. Paul Giamatti is his typical useless self. The only emotion this overacted actor can portray is the fulness feeling in the before scenes of a constipation commercial. James McAvoy is miscast, and his character, a pain in the ass. The movie felt like a 5 hour miniseries that had 10 minutes of material. * out of ****

A Small Circle of Friends--A movie about sixties activism. It shows (rather well) how students reacted to the political upheaval around them. As a historical piece, it’s quite good, but as a movie, it doesn’t gel. It bites off way too much as it takes on the vietnam war, conservative v. liberal college administrators, the weather underground, feminism, lesbian feminism, free love, etc, and this distances the viewer from the material. It’s more a filmic textbook rather than a movie. Karen Allen and the late Brad Davis are fantastic in their roles. Allen in particular has a naturalness about her acting that is a joy to watch. She should have had a better career. Davis plays the brash Leonardo De Vinci, and he never shies away from playing this guy as the obnoxious asshole he really is. Jameson Parker (from a show called Simon and Simon) is the weakest of the three. He’s attractive, but his character is a bit of a cypher, and Parker doesn’t do much with it. There’s a strong supporting performance from John Friedrich as a Southern Republican turned Weather Underground member. Parker’s character should have been axed, and the movie should have concentrated more on this character. **1/2 out of ****

Equus--Yes, it’s the movie where a teenager blinds six horses with a sharp hook. The movie benefits from fantastic performances from Richard Burton, Joan Plowright, Colin Higgins, Eileen Atkins, and Peter Firth as the boy. Richard Burton in particular makes us aware of the psychiatrist’s own pain, and how his helping the boys can be his redemption for his staid life. The movie has two problems: it’s way too long, and it never establishes a point of view about the boy. What is his problem? Is he gay? The blinding comes after he can’t get it up for a woman, and his orgasmic scenes with his horse read like a description of gay sex. Close your eyes and listen to what Firth’s character actually says. But the movie also puts forth the idea that religion is the problem, and he’s replaced devotion to horses with devotion to God. Or the movie suggests that it’s a class issue. He’s striking out against the privileged class. As a result, it’s all a bit muddled. The blinding of the horses is brutal, and there’s a lot of frontal male nudity, but it’s not of the hand in underwear kind. The movie is held together by very strong performances. This was Burton’s last great performance based on a look at his imdb filmography. A movie that succeeds just enough to recommend it. *** out of ****.

I, Madman--This is a creepy, clever horror thriller that came out in 1989. It starts Jenny Wright as a bookstore worker who becomes obsessed with horror books. The killer in her book appears to have come out of the book to kill for real. The movie has a nice visual flair, and the director Tibor Takács throws in little comic bits that work and add to the enjoyment. Eighties heartthrob Clayton Rohner is on hand to take off his shirt, romance Wright’s character, and act confused and disbelieving. He does it quite well, and the two have a passionate and believable sex scene at the beginning of the film. It’s hard to take this film seriously as it does get sillier by the end, but it’s a low budget popcorn entertainment that’s a real joy. There is real energy and intelligence in a lot of what goes on in I, Madman. The film is rooted in character rather than gore. A definite recommendation. ***1/2 out of ****.

High Anxiety--Couldn’t even finish it. Turned it off after 20 minutes. Not one amusing line or action. Every thing in 20 minutes failed. This is the movie to torture me with if I ever stumble upon top secret government information or if I’ve done something to piss you off and you want to get back at me.

Gay Men and Pussy Talk

Straight porn would NEVER tolerate one of their leading male actors doing a gay scene just for kicks. Any straight actor who would do that would never work with the major studios again. Yet gay porn actors do this all the time because gay porn isn’t about being gay. It’s about being straight or pretending to be straight. It’s about not being seen as effeminate. Don't believe me? Ask gay performers who don't top to explain why they don't bottom. The internalized homophobia is overwhelming. And remember, this is from gay men not straight men.

Not a day goes by where I don’t see images of straight sex or someone in the gay porn industry tweeting about how great pussy is (using pussy as that’s how it’s described). A lot of this is because so many straight men do gay porn so gay porn has become watered down. I’ve seen more images of nude women since watching gay porn. I wonder if straight men see images of gay sex all the time when they’re reading straight porn blogs. Don’t think so. They wouldn’t stand for it so why should gay men? Gay men are constantly being told that being gay isn’t good enough. Being gay isn’t normal. Being gay is okay, but being straight or porn bisexual is so much better. You’re only gay because you haven’t met the right woman. It’s one thing when this comes from anti-gay bigots or g4pers. It’s another when it comes from gay men or an industry that caters to gay men.

I like being gay. I like everything about it: the touch of a man, his cock, his ass, the way he smells, the way gay sex feels, and the way I feel around a man. I adore it. I don’t want to dilute it. I don’t want to see it as less than because it isn’t. It’s who I am. I am not gay because I hate women. Yes, the idea of sex with a woman disgusts me. The disgust is a result of having straight SHOVED IN MY FACE all the time. Most women aren’t bothered by that statement because they’re disgusted by certain sex acts as well. Women are more sensible when it comes to sex. Men not so much. While straight men are allowed to feel disgusted (as long as they’re not using that disgust as an excuse to remove our rights), gay men are constantly being told that we’re women haters or heterophobic. No, I’m gay. I’m not someone who feels the need to talk about pussy or sleep with women to prove I’m a psuedostraight guy and be part of the in crowd. I don’t want to be straight just as straight guys don’t want to be gay.

1. If you would never talk about the joys of butt sex to a straight man, why do you feel it’s okay to talk about pussy to a gay man? The consideration for someone's sexual identity should go both ways.
2. If straight porn refuses to have the fantasy killed, why should gay porn constantly destroy the fantasy by reinforcing the notion that being gay is something you can change by meeting a good woman? (see my post about g4p where I touch briefly on the homophobic publicity surrounding Shifting Gears for ex.)
3. When a gay porn performer does a straight scene, they always insult gay sex, say how a pussy is so much better, and gay sex is much more disease ridden. Don’t believe me? Use google. I’ll give you a headstart. Read Arpad Miklos’s interview on The Sword about his straight scene. Can you imagine a straight porn performer insulting his straight fans like that? Neither can I.
4. Only in gay porn so some companies start off scenes by having the men talk about how much they love pussy. Sean Cody is great at that. 2 minutes of pussy talk will go by before the straight guys can have unsexy, acrobatic sex. (won't call it gay sex as that would be an insult to proud gays who don't feel the need to talk about pussy just to have sex).
5. I’m sorry if I’m bothered by “Gay” men who sleep with women. I am. I can’t help it. It’s judgmental, but when you’re bombarded with images of straight sex, films showing that gay men sleep with women all the time, being told you’re a pervert for being gay, the last thing you want to hear is “gay” men telling you how great pussy is. What is wrong with wanting gay porn or discussions with gay friends to be free of images straight sex?

I just want one week where being gay is about being gay and that’s seen as a good thing. Where being gay is seen as enough. Where I'm not told that I should try pussy or that straight sex feels so good. Don’t think that’s too much to ask.

Even on vacation, I can’t resist the urge to rant. Going to Jamie Oliver's ITalian restaurant in Oxford.

Latest adventures in bottoming

Well, my quest to become versatile in the bedroom continues. I decided last night that it was time once again to try to bottom with a dildo. I have one from Titan. It’s black and vibrates although I was too lazy to look for batteries so it wasn’t vibrating last night. Also didn’t have lube anal-eze. I decided to use olive oil. Yes, I know. I can imagine the groans from the handful of people who read this blog. When you’re in the mood, you have to improvise. I cleaned myself out. I lubed up the dildo and I tried to set myself down on it. This never works. I always aim too far or too short.This is where the pain comes as I’m often too eager, and I can ram it into places it shouldn’t be rammed. Not good. It took a few times, and it worked. IT never hurts. It doesn’t feel good. It doesn’t feel bad. It just feels weird. I was straddling the dildo while wearing headphones connected to my ipod touch. Don’t remember what porn scene I was watching, but I was moving up and done, and I was getting more aroused. More aroused from the scene and less from the dildo. Then, I got a foot cramp so I had to stop. I removed the dildo and massaged my foot. I was not to be defeated. I lubed up the dildo with olive oil which does smell fruity (ha ha) up close, and I sat down on it once again. This time, I got going, and developed a rhythm. The feeling of the impending orgasm was so intense that I got super excited and started jerking off maniacally. I lost my balance, fell over (dildo still in) and hit my head on the television stand. I wasn’t injured, and I came on the dvd player which annoyed me after I stopped laughing. You haven’t lived until you’ve checked to see if you got cum inside your dvd player. The thing is that the dildo doesn’t do much for me in itself. The orgasm with the dildo is certainly more intense so I do it for that reason.