Sunday, 22 May 2011

Twitter part 1

I think about all the people I’ve met through twitter, and how many of them I still talk to after my year and a half on twitter. So much has changed from the very beginning. I joined to follow @sometipsforlife and @supercheyne (formerly @spudcheyne) and now I’m following 395 people. I know some of them and others I don’t remember why I’m following them. As in life, people come and go. You drift apart, and you realize you have nothing in common or you come to the decision that you just don’t like the person. I have a few people I really don’t like, but I follow them because it’s less drama. In the past, I would keep following people I didn’t like or was not interested in simply so I would not have to engage in the “why did you unfollow me?” drama. “I think you’re a drunken self loathing piece of shit who I can’t stand” is not something I want to say to someone. Yes, I know. It shocks some people that I wouldn’t say that, but I’ve learned (although the lesson doesn’t always stick) that twitter is so insignificant to the rest of my life. Why spend so much energy on someone I most likely will never meet or ever want to meet? That’s not to say that people on twitter have not made a substantial impact on my life. They have, but I’ve grown weary of engaging in twitter drama. It serves no purpose.

I’m not an angel. I’ve been an asshole, and I’ve been unfairly labeled as an asshole. Once you’ve engaged in a twitter war, everything you tweet is ready to be interpreted as an attack. Nothing I can do about that. A substantial number of people only follow me because they wait for me to say something controversial or engage in another twitter war. Would I take back some of the things I said? OF course, but I also would not take back some of the things I’ve said. Some people are indeed self-destructive scum and I see no point in saying otherwise although I have learned that not saying anything can be a powerful tool. I’m not the center of someone else’s universe, and in the end, what I say about/to them doesn’t matter so why get my self worked up about someone I have no respect for? I just ignore them if I can. Some people you just can’t escape, but I grit my teeth and refuse to write something that will cause chaos.

It takes a lot for me to unfollow someone I’ve followed for a long time. I always hold on to the hope that we can somehow go back to the time when our twitterman/twitter relationship was beneficial to both of us. I unfollowed someone recently because a majority of his tweets were about his affection for Chris Brown. We had a nice and casual twitterlationship but I just could not get past supporting someone who beats up women. There was the man who I had developed a bond with over the last year and a half. I thought he was the sweetest, most thoughtful man. We would engage in discussions on various topics, and we respected each other’s opinions mainly because we completely agreed. When he took a job in direct opposition to those beliefs, I became the enemy, and he attacked when I tweeted something I had said many times before, and something he had agreed with. I was shocked by his response, and it made me reevaluate how I’ve used twitter and how I’m really connected to people on twitter. I can never look at him the same way again. Every positive feeling I had for him ended that day. It shows me that loyalty to someone isn’t always rewarded when your loyalty doesn’t serve his bottom line. Threw me for a definite loop.

Proud gay man

I’ve noticed that if I publicly state that I’m proud to be a gay man a lot of people are unnerved by this. If I were to say that I had decided to have straight sex, those very people would be overcome with joy. I would be congratulated for taking that step. You can’t be considered a good gay if you don’t have sex with women. Sorry, not happening. My sexuality is not about rejecting or sleeping with women. It’s about confirming my love and desire for men. I’m not a self loather who thinks having sex with women makes me more masculine. I’m proud to be a gay men. I’m proud of my passion and connection to other men. I do not need to prove anything by having sex with women. I know by saying this that I’ll run the risk of being called a woman hater, but it’s not about hate. It’s about being tired of heterosexual sex being a prerequisite for being a gay man. I don’t understand gay men who think that way and I certainly can’t respect them.

Thursday, 19 May 2011

Logan McCree and the horror of the "gay"

I’ve been asked what I think of McCree going straight or saying the vagina “feels right.” Some have been outraged. Others think he’s wonderful for being “beyond labels.” I think self loathing is an adjective that describes him especially if you read and watch some of his previous comments. My main reaction is that I can’t be bothered. I’m not going to waste time on someone who puts out anti-gay messages. Don’t think what he has said is anti-gay? Read his remarks as if they are a testimonial at an ex-gay retreat. How many of his supporters would champion those testimonials? Watch his interviews where he does nothing but put down gay culture (as if gay men belong to one monolithic culture). Here’s another thing to consider: if public figures coming out is so important to young gay men, why can’t the reverse be true? Why isn’t it destructive to see someone like McCree spout anti-gay rhetoric, give his “vagina feels so right” interview to a woman who states that vaginal intercourse is the only sex that really matters, and then say that straight sex is what feels so right to him? Why wouldn’t that be harmful to gay men who saw him as a role model? Yes, some will say he’s still a role model for not being boxed in by sexuality, but how many of them would say the same about Exodus ex-gay testimonials? There is always talk about the destructive images of barebacking in porn, but what about anti-gay images? Do some people only think images matter when it serves their agenda? Apparently so from some of the positive comments from McCree’s remarks.

That brings me to gay men/queer men/gay men who won’t say they’re gay who do nothing but denigrate gay men and gay culture. “Gay men are so dramatic. Gay men can’t be trusted. Gay men are shallow. Gay men are cheaters. Gay men are so weak.” Replace gay with black or Muslim. How many of those people would say those things about African-Americans, Muslims, or any other group? It would be considered offensive, but to bad mouth gay men is a badge of honor for a lot of these men. The unspoken undercurrent is that the speaker is so much better than the pathetic gay men and that straight culture is far superior. There are assholes of every sexual identity. There are assholes of every sex and gender, but for some, “gay” is again the unspeakable horror. I have also found that most of those who publicly eschew labels of their sexuality tend to be the very people who label men as “gay” so they can denigrate them. In the past week, I counted 17 tweets like this, and except for one, all were from “no labels” or men who claim to be fours on the Kinsey scale.