Thursday, 24 June 2010

Gay Men and Pussy Talk

Straight porn would NEVER tolerate one of their leading male actors doing a gay scene just for kicks. Any straight actor who would do that would never work with the major studios again. Yet gay porn actors do this all the time because gay porn isn’t about being gay. It’s about being straight or pretending to be straight. It’s about not being seen as effeminate. Don't believe me? Ask gay performers who don't top to explain why they don't bottom. The internalized homophobia is overwhelming. And remember, this is from gay men not straight men.

Not a day goes by where I don’t see images of straight sex or someone in the gay porn industry tweeting about how great pussy is (using pussy as that’s how it’s described). A lot of this is because so many straight men do gay porn so gay porn has become watered down. I’ve seen more images of nude women since watching gay porn. I wonder if straight men see images of gay sex all the time when they’re reading straight porn blogs. Don’t think so. They wouldn’t stand for it so why should gay men? Gay men are constantly being told that being gay isn’t good enough. Being gay isn’t normal. Being gay is okay, but being straight or porn bisexual is so much better. You’re only gay because you haven’t met the right woman. It’s one thing when this comes from anti-gay bigots or g4pers. It’s another when it comes from gay men or an industry that caters to gay men.

I like being gay. I like everything about it: the touch of a man, his cock, his ass, the way he smells, the way gay sex feels, and the way I feel around a man. I adore it. I don’t want to dilute it. I don’t want to see it as less than because it isn’t. It’s who I am. I am not gay because I hate women. Yes, the idea of sex with a woman disgusts me. The disgust is a result of having straight SHOVED IN MY FACE all the time. Most women aren’t bothered by that statement because they’re disgusted by certain sex acts as well. Women are more sensible when it comes to sex. Men not so much. While straight men are allowed to feel disgusted (as long as they’re not using that disgust as an excuse to remove our rights), gay men are constantly being told that we’re women haters or heterophobic. No, I’m gay. I’m not someone who feels the need to talk about pussy or sleep with women to prove I’m a psuedostraight guy and be part of the in crowd. I don’t want to be straight just as straight guys don’t want to be gay.
  1. If you would never talk about the joys of butt sex to a straight man, why do you feel it’s okay to talk about pussy to a gay man? The consideration for someone's sexual identity should go both ways.
  2. If straight porn refuses to have the fantasy killed, why should gay porn constantly destroy the fantasy by reinforcing the notion that being gay is something you can change by meeting a good woman? (see my post about g4p where I touch briefly on the homophobic publicity surrounding Shifting Gears for ex.)
  3. When a gay porn performer does a straight scene, they always insult gay sex, say how a pussy is so much better, and gay sex is much more disease ridden. Don’t believe me? Use google. I’ll give you a headstart. Read Arpad Miklos’s interview on The Sword about his straight scene. Can you imagine a straight porn performer insulting his straight fans like that? Neither can I.
  4. Only in gay porn so some companies start off scenes by having the men talk about how much they love pussy. Sean Cody is great at that. 2 minutes of pussy talk will go by before the straight guys can have unsexy, acrobatic sex. (won't call it gay sex as that would be an insult to proud gays who don't feel the need to talk about pussy just to have sex).
  5. I’m sorry if I’m bothered by “Gay” men who sleep with women. I am. I can’t help it. It’s judgmental, but when you’re bombarded with images of straight sex, films showing that gay men sleep with women all the time, being told you’re a pervert for being gay, the last thing you want to hear is “gay” men telling you how great pussy is. What is wrong with wanting gay porn or discussions with gay friends to be free of images straight sex?
I just want one week where being gay is about being gay and that’s seen as a good thing. Where being gay is seen as enough. Where I'm not told that I should try pussy or that straight sex feels so good. Don’t think that’s too much to ask.

Even on vacation, I can’t resist the urge to rant. Going to Jamie Oliver's ITalian restaurant in Oxford.

Thursday, 17 June 2010

Latest adventures in bottoming

Well, my quest to become versatile in the bedroom continues. I decided last night that it was time once again to try to bottom with a dildo. I have one from Titan. It’s black and vibrates although I was too lazy to look for batteries so it wasn’t vibrating last night. Also didn’t have lube anal-eze. I decided to use olive oil. Yes, I know. I can imagine the groans from the handful of people who read this blog. When you’re in the mood, you have to improvise. I cleaned myself out. I lubed up the dildo and I tried to set myself down on it. This never works. I always aim too far or too short.This is where the pain comes as I’m often too eager, and I can ram it into places it shouldn’t be rammed. Not good. It took a few times, and it worked. IT never hurts. It doesn’t feel good. It doesn’t feel bad. It just feels weird. I was straddling the dildo while wearing headphones connected to my ipod touch. Don’t remember what porn scene I was watching, but I was moving up and done, and I was getting more aroused. More aroused from the scene and less from the dildo. Then, I got a foot cramp so I had to stop. I removed the dildo and massaged my foot. I was not to be defeated. I lubed up the dildo with olive oil which does smell fruity (ha ha) up close, and I sat down on it once again. This time, I got going, and developed a rhythm. The feeling of the impending orgasm was so intense that I got super excited and started jerking off maniacally. I lost my balance, fell over (dildo still in) and hit my head on the television stand. I wasn’t injured, and I came on the dvd player which annoyed me after I stopped laughing. You haven’t lived until you’ve checked to see if you got cum inside your dvd player. The thing is that the dildo doesn’t do much for me in itself. The orgasm with the dildo is certainly more intense so I do it for that reason.

Tuesday, 15 June 2010

What is a gay man?

What does being gay mean? I never asked myself this question until I started hanging around more gay organizations, participating in gay message boards, and watching gay porn. MY simple answer is that a gay man is someone who wants to only have sex with a man and has the capacity to only have love relationships with a man. Apparently, I’m living under a rock because I see so many other definitions:

1.)A gay man is only gay once he’s dated and slept with women. When he rejects women, he’s magically gay. The underlying assumption is that being gay is about rejecting women rather than wanting men. Does that mean I’m not gay since I’ve never slept with or rejected women? Trust me, I’m not going back to rectify that.

2.)A gay man is only gay if he comes out. IF you don’t come out or don’t have to ( it was ALWAYS known I was gay), does that mean you’re not gay? A silly question, but I’ve had supposedly sane people assert you’re not gay until you come out.

3.)A gay man is someone who bottoms. Only a “real man” tops which I guess means that I’ve been a “real” man 95% of the time. A real, masculine man can’t be gay. He’s straight acting and so many gay men find it a huge compliment to be told they are straight acting. I’ve even seen gay men try to pass themselves off as straight in clubs. Why? Are you so insecure about being gay that you need people to think you’re straight? Is being gay such a loss of masculinity for you? I’ve noticed these men see bottoming as something beneath them, something feminine. There’s a real unspoken distaste for the man who bottoms with these “straight acting” men. And if they have bottomed or attempted to bottom, it’s as if they want a medal.

The Porn gay:

1.)A gay man is someone who must bow at the feet of a gay for pay performer. He must worship this straight man while the straight man shows absolute contempt for the man and gay sex. The gay must do all the work and must never expect anything in return.

2.)A gay man is someone who bottoms. Much like number three above, the straight acting men get to top while the bottoms are the stereotypically gay ones. If you start off as a top, but you bottom, you will most likely be relegated to bottoming roles. Once you bottom, you will lose your power as a straight acting man. A dick in your ass apparently makes you weak, less than, and a sissy. A dick wipes away your masculinity. The tops who may have bottomed in the past must always remind fans that they are “real men” in their private lives. “I would never allow a man to stick a dick up my ass in real life.” Good for you. You’re a straight acting man. See the number 3 man above for your medal.

3.)According to a lot of gay porn, gay sex is only performed when a gay man tricks a straight man, there’s straight porn in the background, or there’s a woman involved. Or in some cases, you can be as passionate as you want once you’ve begun the porn scene with “I love pussy” statements or you say that one of your fantasies is sleeping with a woman. I know there’s nothing I like better than hearing how much a man “loves pussy” (direct quote from a sean cody video) or fantasizes about straight sex when I’m trying to get off or have sex.

I’m just an inadequate gay man according to real life and porn, but I like being this inadequate gay man. I didn’t reject women. There was no reason to. I knew I wanted men and it had nothing to do with women. I didn’t have to come out. I knew who I was and I was not going to pretend and my family would never have allowed me to. While I top most of the time, I want to be more versatile. I don’t see bottoming as a loss of masculinity. I see it as simply adding another dimension to my sex life. Wanting to be straight and fetishing straightness seems like a waste of time. If you’re wanting applause from straights for being straight acting, it’s a losing battle. If you have sex with men, they will always see as gay or in some cases, a fag.

Wednesday, 2 June 2010

Sexual Slang for the Cock

Sexual Slang for Penis:




Battering Ram


Bent Stick: a non erect penis

Big Ben

Black Bart



Cherry Picker

Conduit Pipe




Dangling Participle (my personal fave)

Ding Dong








Hot Rod




Kosher Pickle (circumcised penis)

Love Muscle

Love Root

Love Stick

Magic Wand


Meat and Two Vegetables

Middle LEg


Peppermint Stick










Red Cap




Skin Flute



Swizzle Stick

Tootsie Roll


Yogurt Pen