Tuesday, 30 March 2010

The Vagina and Being a Gay Man: The one and only time I was near a vagina.

The vagina! Gasp! The vagina and gay men! Double gasp! I've never been sure why gay men should have a relation to the vagina besides the obvious. For me, being born was the last time I was near or wanted to be near a vagina. I'm not afraid of the vagina. I'm not disgusted by the vagina. I'm just not interested. The Vagina and the television show Lost have something in common: my complete indifference. I get offended by the notion that I hate women or am disgusted by the vagina because I'm gay. I am not gay because I rejected women or the vagina. I am gay because I am turned on by men and penises. I know that I'm probably the only gay men in the world who never kissed a girl, made out with a girl, had sex with a girl, was engaged to a girl, married a girl, or any combination. I  must have been absent the day that the How to be a Proper Gay handbook was reprinted with a new rule that "Gay men must have sex with women, must reject women because of their vaginas, and only after having sex with women are they allowed to have sex with men."

What I resent is that I can't enjoy my gay films, television shows, or even gay porn without having gay relationships or gay sex diluted with heterosexuality. Every coming out story must have the man kissing or usually, having sex with a woman before he comes out. If he's already out, he must have sex with the woman at some point in the show or film. I throw out these examples of television shows where the boy/man must make out with or have sex with a woman/women as a part of being gay: Forbidden Love, As the World Turns, One Life to Live, Shameless, Young and the Restless, United States of Tara, Queer As Folk, Ugly Betty, Sinchronicity, etc. The list for films: Reinas, Make the Yuletide Gay, Chef's Special, the Eating out Trilogy, Next Best Thing, Bedrooms and Hallways, etc. Those are just examples off the top of my head without my looking through my movie diary or consulting IMDB.

And if you are not turned on by straight sex, gay porn will be a nightmare since gay porn is apparently now a straight business since I can't read a gay porn blog without encountering yet another story of a g4per doing straight porn, insulting gay sex, or now doing transsexual porn. Breasts and vaginas are now a must for gay porn sites. If you resent the straight intrusion into gay porn, you're considered judgmental, hateful, and yes, heterophobic. I know there are gay men who enjoy watching straight porn, but on a gay porn blog, I should not have to see photos of straight sex and gay porn stars in straight porn scenes. Of course, the reverse would never happen. Straight porn sites would never run photos of gay sex. I highly doubt that stories about Ryan Driller are accompanied by his gay porn scenes as Jeremy Bilding. The readers would never put up with it, but gay men must be good little boys and accept being insulted at every opportunity.

I know that some gay men dislike women and are sickened by the sight of vaginas. The slurs and the "ewww" comments are ridiculous and offensive, but isn't that to be expected? Do straight men sit around and compliment each other penises? Do they watch gay porn? Do they go to straight porn sites hoping to see images of erect penises? Do they watch television shows hoping that gay characters will kiss? When they watch straight porn, are they expected to put up with straight for pay actors and straight for pay actors who make a point of saying how disgusting straight sex is? Somehow, gay man are expected to do the equivalent, and if they are not interested, they're labeled heterophobic and misogynistic.

I have found straight sex sexy. Betty Blue, 9 Songs, Amantes, 9 1/2 Weeks,  and Antares come to mind. I also adore the works of Catherine Breillat which are always about women's sexuality, and in particular, Romance is one of my favorite films. That film has a seven minute gynecological exam shown in explicit detail. I was not offended by the vagina. I was not harmed by the sight of the vagina. Being gay is not about rejecting the vagina. It's about wanting the penis.


  1. Good post and while I want the penis I dont mind seeing one attached to a hunky Corbin Fisher model being inserted repeatedly into some womens vag on ACS.

    In fact I would prefer to see THAT than two G4P's having a lifeless lame scene together.

    Which is why the ACS tag teams are usually hot,the element of adding the girl strangely eggs the guys on to a game of one upmanship, no matter if they are fucking her or each other.

    I have always been sexual and yet separate watching straight sex (can be hot) from HAVING straight sex (not my thing)

    Although I had a three way once with a bi curious couple, one of the hottest sexcapdes ever.

    In Oklahoma of course, I swear my kinkiest sex was ALWAYS in the Bible belt!

    Gays here in San Diego are so DAMN CONSERVATIVE!

  2. MY first comment! I feel it's honored it's from you.

    I do mind seeing a CF model insert his penis into the vagina because it's usually without a condom reinforcing the notion that the vagina prevents any disease. Even when the men are barebacking on ACS, the woman has to be there because she's going to prevent any STDs. Plus, it makes it near impossible for me to enjoy a scene when I know that a performer does straight or bi scenes. It's a total turn-off.

    I also don't think it's an either or. Either two boring g4pers or straight sex. I'd rather watch two gay performers going at it like the recent Jayden Grey/Trevor Knight scene on Suite 303 which was incredible. Straight porn is too woman-hating for me. The few times I've watched it, I felt the the director hated women. I get a similar feeling when with certain g4per with gay man scenes: the total disgust for the gay man.

    I've found non-porn straight sex scenes hot.

    A lot of people have told me that the bible belt is great for sex. Not surprising I suppose with all the repression.

    Never had an experience with a woman or a bi men. I suppose I have never put myself in a position where that would be possible.