Wednesday, 12 January 2011

Gay Clubs and the Straight Women who love them

There was a question on Formspring recently about banning straight girls from gay clubs. Everyone was aghast. How could you discriminate against the straight women! Gay men should know what discrimination is so why would you treat women the way gay men are treated? I had a different reaction. I’m all for banning straight girls. Every time the police are called to my local gay clubs/bars, it’s because a drunken straight girl has started a fight, attacked the bartender or gotten pissed because she couldn’t get a gay man drunk enough to fuck her. Not one gay men has been arrested in the 3 I’ve been legally able to go to bars. It’s always been the straight girls. For one week, the main gay club had a no straight women policy. You know what? No fights, no injuries, no police cars, no shutting down the club early. The straights and some gay men fought that rule so now we’re back to allowing drunken straight girls (usually named Jen, Laurie or Tiffany) into the clubs, and the drama continues. What does this have to with supporting gay men? Showing gay men affection? These clubs are designed for gay men. They’re spaces that gay men can come together to drink, dance, make out, and yes, hook up. Yet what do these clubs spend most of their time on? Cleaning up after straight girls. Worrying about when the next drunken straight girl will go off. Perhaps, Ohio just has an abundance of drunken straight girls. The straight girls in other states may be wonderful  & trouble free. I have my doubts as I follow at least 3 gay men on twitter who’ve been injured because a straight girl started a fight in a gay club. Why are we worrying about the straight girls? Why do the gay men who go to these clubs have to tolerate this ridiculousness?

Yes, I know. I’ll get the discrimination argument, but why must gay clubs be open to straight women at all times? Straight women have so many options. They can go almost any place they want. Gay men do not have that same ability. Can you imagine 2 gay men going into Hooters or a sports bar and holding hands or making out? How many gay men feel comfortable going to clubs that cater to mostly straight men? We have gay clubs so that gay men can feel comfortable, feel a part of a larger gay community, be with other men. There is nothing greater than being in a room with gay men, and feeling the energy, the smells, the way we interact with other, etc. Straight women intrude upon this, and it pisses me off. If it were an occasional thing, it’d be different, and I’m not talking about the straight women who are wonderful & do not cause trouble (although I would prefer to have their admittance limited to certain nights) but I should be allowed to go to a gay club & not have to share my experiences with straight women every time I go. I don’t go to women’s only club meetings & try to make the event all about me. I allow that there are certain activities & events that should be for women only. Women should have places where they can go and be together without men interfering as we usually do.

I’m gay, but I’m not a half woman because I’m gay. I’m a MALE. I am also not one of those men who desperately wants to be seen as normal so straight men and women will like me for being more straight than gay. “Look at us! We have 2 dogs, a cozy home, like to spend our evenings in, bake cookies for our neighbors.” There is nothing wrong with that if that is who you are, but if your only reason for being that way is to get straight approval, I find that attitude pathetic. Live your life for yourself not to blend in and be “accepted” by the straights. I don’t play the normal gay card. One. I bake for no one, and two, I don’t see blending in as a good thing. I’m in favor of everyone maintaing their own distinct identities. Three: I don’t perform for straight people. I never look for their approval of who I am and what I do nor do I want to be put in the position of giving approval to heterosexuals. I’m gay and that does not mean I’m looking to be a straight woman’s accessory while she’s between relationships. “Look at Suzie! She’s brought the best of the Spring 2011 collection of gay male friends to the party.”

I should be able to have a few spaces in my life where I can go and be surrounded by gay men & and have no outside interference from straight men and women. Don’t see why this is is so shocking. I’m not asking for separate societies. I’m asking for a room of my own so to speak: a place where I can go & be proud to be gay without diluting it for the consumption of others.


  1. I see the points made. Sadly bars are always going to be places where fights break out. You have a ton of people together getting drunk and sooner or later bad things are going to happen.

    Surely gay guys go to hooters to hang out. I think this is a matter of common sense not being so common. There is no way you can ban straight women from entering a gay bar. And if that were allowed it would show to segrate and would prove to be extremely problematic.

    The same lies within lgbt exclusive schools. It seems like gays and lesbians want segregation. It seems contradictory. But that's a whole new bar fight.

  2. There are places like ths Chris. If you weren't so stingy about wearing the harness and butt plug in public, we could go.

  3. Nice writing, Chris--I agree with your observations even though I like to bake for others...It also takes some courage to write about this topic. What also disturbs me is that most women in gay bars are not there as friends and supporters but to show off, to search for attention or affection, or to ensure that the object of their love--the gay friend--fails to find intimacy with other men.

  4. Well written and in many ways I agree. It would be nice for us gay men to have our own haven. But its just not possible for public places. There needs to be more gay mens groups. But then you can't have a bar and dancing. An exclusive club? One thing straight women have in common with some gay men is they want what they can't have. A lot of straight women want to bed a gay guy. A lot of gay men want to bed a straight guy. Straight guys can be hot to look at and I'll sometimes fantasize what if... But in the end I'd rather have a man who know his homosexuality and is proud of it (just like anyone should be proud of their orientation) than one who is confused or just too drunk one time.

  5. In Europe many places are "For Men Only" and I like that rule. If I want a woman around I can go to a mixed club. For once I agree with the blogger good job. And yes the girls up in Ohio are ruffer more drunky

  6. I totally agree thought i was the only gay that felt so. But i have to add also that most of the women in gay bars are brought in by gay men who for some reason want them there.mabye there should be gay men only nights, gay women only nights and mixed nights might be a solution. i've also noticed there is a huge difference in attitude between straight women who go to gay bars and women who don't. women who don't have a live and let live attitude while women who do go to gay bars have a mammy/new accessory attitude. i personally find this demeaning but like i said before alot of gay men like it? and another thing i've noticed if there is a straight man in a gay bar gay men are "what's he doing here" attitude double standards. i think that if you invite straight women then surely straight men should have the same respect just my opinion.