Sunday, 11 April 2010

A list of 12 annoying things said to me.

1. "Everyone's a little bisexual." Annoying because it's not true. All the research says otherwise.

2. "You don't know what it's like to have kids." No, I don't, but you do, and you're still allowing them to behave like assholes.

4. "What's your ATM card number?" Lady, the ATM machine ate my card. How the hell am I supposed to know my card number? Would you like me to try to climb inside the ATM a la Trainspotting and retrieve my card rendering this phone call completely useless?

5. "You don't think about anyone but yourself." This said by the family member who took 12 people out to dinner, and announced that he would pay for everyone but me since I had enough money to pay for myself. This relative later asked me to lend some money to buy "new rims." Needless to say, he didn't get the rims. BTW, no one in the family likes him.

6.  "You're so selfish." Said to me by the friend who expected me to pay for his dinner and got insulted when I told the waitress that it was separate checks for our group. Somehow, he had forgotten to bring his wallet even though he knew we were seeing three movies, going out to dinner, and stopping for coffee and then the cheesecake factory.

7. "Is this subtitled?" Grandfather, what part of "It's in Italian" makes you think the dialogue won't be in Italian?

8. "We still have time to discuss.." It's 7:30. It's hot and there's no air. No one gives a damn about Melville's The Confidence Man. Let us go home!

9. "Have you been coming to the gym?" No, I haven't been coming to the gym while you've been sick. I hired a trainer because I injure myself when I use the machines on my own. As my trainer, you know this. You've seen my hernia surgery scar. Why ask such a dumb ass question?

10. "Have you seen Wild Hogs?" Seriously!? Wild Hogs?? You've known me all my life. Have I ever shown any interest in a film like Wild Hogs? Do you think I'm secretly skipping out of a Jacque Rivette double feature to see Wild Hogs?

11."Do you go to Akron U?" I just handed you my university ID. You've seen me in the student center. I know Blockbuster doesn't encourage their employees to think, but come on!

12. "Have you watched all these films?" You just commented that most of my blu-rays/discs are still in the shrinkwrap. Don't you think that would be big clue that I haven't?

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