Another round of irritating things said to me.

1. “Your call is very important to us. You’re the next in line to speak to a customer service representative. Estimated wait time: 4 minutes.” 30 minutes later, I’m still on hold waiting for a Time Warner CSR.
2. “It’s just sex.” That’s because you’re not doing it right.
3. “I don’t really drink.” Oh, really? Must have been someone else who lied about the number of drinks he had, vomited, dropped his car keys in the bathroom trash can, had to be helped out by me and the two owners, was too drunk to drive, and left me stranded with no way to get home. Yeah, you don’t really drunk, you pathetic piece of shit. Yes, I’m not angry anymore.
4. “I really don’t like wearing them. What if I just put the tip in?” What if I just knocked your teeth in?
5. “Did I wake you?” No, I only sound half-asleep when I’m wide awake. You’re calling me at 9AM. I don’t get up until noon. Do the math.
6. “Do you want to rent those?” No, I just came in to look around, grab dvds off the shelf, and show you the pretty covers.
7. “How are you?” We’re acquaintances. You don’t care how I am. I know you’re being polite, but don’t stop me to give an answer you’re not interested in hearing.
8. “Have you seen my wallet?” Does it look like I have a wallet detector up my ass?
9. “I’ll pay you back.” No, you won’t. You’ll make excuses for why you can’t pay me. You’ll avoid me and then you’ll blame me for being too controlling and money hungry.
10. “I’m often mistaken for straight. It’s so cool.” How great! Now for your next task, can you balance this ball on your nose?