The Best of Porn 2010

In no particular order:

Alex Slater--this performer is rarely spoken of or publicized on blogs, but he’s a furry chested marvel. I never get tired of watching him. He always performs as if he’s into it. His performances turn me on, and it doesn’t hurt that he’s so damn yummy.

Donny Wright--discovered him recently. He’s adorable and sexy and seems so humble. He has a fantastic body, but he never acts as if he knows it. That makes him hotter.

Spencer Reed--This man just oozes sex, and he’s probably the performer I’ve jacked off to the most. His Dominic Ford scene with Jake Steel is one of my all time favorites. He knows how to give a great performance.

Conner Habib--Another performer who instinctively knows what makes gay porn work. He’s furry, beautiful, and very intelligent. His blog is witty and thoughtful, and it puts mine to shame. He also manages to get his opinion across in a non-confrontational way which I admire since I’m rarely evenhanded. He’s also someone I make sure to check on Twitter because he is always entertaining and he offers the best books and films to read/watch.

Dominic Ford and CocksureMEn: the sites I frequented the most. All sites have good and bad scenes, but these two sites consistently strive to provide great gay sex scenes. They’re innovative, customer friendly, and they bring out the best in the performers. The Alessio Romero/Conner Habib CocksureMen scene is incredible. Simply one of the best scenes ever produced. Conner Habib has a fantastic scene with Chris Porter on DF, but I’d also recommend the scenes with Colby Keller, Spencer Reed, and Brad Star who DF helped me develop a crush on.

Devon Hunter: for his beauty inside and out; for his honesty and for having an amazing ass.

Tucker Scott:adorable, true to himself, a first rate performer, and someone who makes gp a better place.

Colby Keller: he has the most incredible blog; he’s drop dead sexy, and he’s another underrated performer.

Jeremy Bilding: Yes, he’s gorgeous, but he’s also thoughtful, entertaining, witty, and he has been extremely kind to me offline/online the past year. Not only that, but his rimming scene with Vance Winter is one of my all time favorites. He also makes his scene partners spontaneously cum which is a great trait to have in gay porn.

Jasun Mark and John Tegan: for their patience and for their understanding, but also for doing their damndest to bring the sexy and funny to gay porn.

Steve Cruz and Steve Bond: simply because they’re furry and gorgeous and I lust after both of them.

Jimmy Clay: don’t know what it is about this guy, but he gets me going.

Brandon Lewis: for a man that advertised himself as straight when he first arrived, he performs every gp scene with gusto. He never disappoints, and he does it with a great smile on his face.

Austin Wilde: beautiful just beautiful. Enough said.

Bret Wolfe: retired from porn, but still had to include him because I can’t imagine not putting him on a best of list.

Robert Chandler: Who hasn’t developed a further appreciation for foreskin since he came on the scene? Another gay friendly director/website owner. He also showed grace under pressure.

Pornobobbie: the biggest heart in the gay porn socialite world and someone you want to have as a friend.

Drew Cutler: I knew of him for non-porn reasons, but I’ve grown to like his scenes, and I like the interest he shows in his scene partners.

Alessio Romero:such a great role model for gay men. He shows sobriety can be sexy and he gives his all in every scene. He’s a sex machine & I can never get enough of him.

Collin O’Neal: offers great sex scenes between gay men. He’s a man who supports gay performers as well as his gay fans.


I have more Best of, but real life is calling so more best of later..

The Worst in Gay Porn 2010

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Short but sweet

Do you follow someone who fascinates you because of the daily changes in his personality and attitudes? There are a couple guys I follow simply because I’m shocked that they can get out their front door without injuring themselves. That these guys can function in the real world is astonishing to me since they don’t seem to grasp the fundamentals of daily life. I’m not criticizing them per se; I find them endearing and amusing in an observational kind of way.

27 questions I ponder when I'm high on ecstasy

1. Why are so many people (including gay men) so frightened by gay men getting together? If we want to have gays only meeting or dance nights, there’s an outcry that we’re discriminating against non-gays. These very same complainers never protest all women’s night or the daily straights only clubs, but somehow, gay men gathering together is something to be feared.
2. Why are some people so fascinated by gay men having straight sex? I find this so insulting, but I know some people get off on a gay man having sex with a woman. Not sure I want to know the reason. I’m sure it has something to do with wanting the gay men to be straight after all. Do straight men get asked if they’ve had sex with men? Are the very people encouraging gay on woman sex, encouraging straight guys to have gay sex? I highly doubt it. I’d bet money they’d never dare ask a straight porn star to have gay sex. (Once asked a gay pornblogger who encourages straight for pay if he ever encouraged straight porn stars to go gay. His response was “I could never do that. They’d get pissed off.”)
3. Why do people on the sidewalk jump when I yell “Shark!” as I’m driving past?
4. Why was Grease II considered a bomb? I like it so much more than the first one. I’m not usually into blondes, but Maxwell Caulfield is so hot in leather and on top of a motorcycle and who could resist “Cool Rider?”
5. Why when I grow to really like a show, do they do something so incredibly dumb that it angers me so much that I take them off my DVR or not buy the next season set? Thinking now of NURSE JACKIE. Didn’t read the reviews or comments about the show. I went into it fresh. I grew to really appreciate this sly and thought provoking series. So what happens? They get rid of the sexy, interesting gay character and replace him with the stereotypical, effeminate (nothing wrong there, but there are ONLY two types of gay men on T.V.: the “queeny” male and the repressed and closeted man). Producers of NURSE JACKIE: You suck! Why not get rid of the obnoxious doctor or the pill pusher?
6. Why are the very people who condemn drunk drivers (not something I condone) the very people who go through stop signs, red lights, and rush through residential streets to get to work?
7. 8. Why is bottoming considered so weak and “feminine” by the very gay men who are scared shitless to bottom? It would seem to me that it would be a strong man who bottoms since bottoming is so frightening for a lot of gay men.
8. 9. Why can’t I use the word, pee? I always say urinate. Or if I’m feeling exceedingly superior, I’ll say, “used the restroom.”
9. 10. Why do I freak out when I send out a tweet that has typos or missed words. Am I the only one who deletes the tweet to send out an edited one?
10. 11. Why do my favorites rarely win the Emmy or Oscar?
11. 12. Why am I on the 8 out at time Netflix plan when I rarely watch one disc a day?
12. 13. Why are my questions getting more and more trivial?
13. 14. Why do I attract people who are very literal-minded?
14. 15. Why do so many anonymous people on Formspring want to know the taste of my cum and want to know if my friends want to get fisted?
15. 16. Why do adult men get so worked up about Justin Beiber? It’s creepy.
16. 17. Why are studios still releasing films in full screen editions?

19 things that make me happy.

Since I’m usually bitching and moaning about something, I thought I’d list a few non-personal things that make me happy. I will try not to include anything sexual or porn related as I tend to rant about those two subjects

1. Going to my local arthouse to see films. I’m never happier than when the lights go down and the previews start. I go to see about 3 to 5 movies a week. I’d see more if most the films released weren’t so dreadful.
2. Reading. Reading has always been a great pleasure of mine. I read Encyclopedia Brown, Jackie Collins, and Agatha Christie mysteries in elementary and junior high school. MY family is full of English Lit majors: my two older cousins both have their doctorates in English Lit. My cousin Christian is majoring in British Lit and my sister minored in British Lit. I’ll read most anything, and one of my pleasures is buying books. I might even like buying books more than I like reading them.
3. John Gidding. The man is as close to perfect as possible. He’s gorgeous, intelligent, kind, funny, and I’d give anything to have a run down home that he could renovate. Curb Appeal: The Block is the thinking man’s porn. Gidding has the most beautiful hair and eyes, and I just want to feel his lips against mine.
4. Reading people’s best of lists. I get a kick out of seeing what someone enjoys reading or watching. I use these lists to make purchases. All comes down to number 6.
5. Making numbered lists make me happy.
6. Shopping. Whether it’s online or in a store, I get immense pleasure from spending money. I bought groceries at the health food store today, and it made me feel so fantastic. I spent more than I intended, and my mood brightened. Acquiring things gives me joy.
7. Watching Siskel and Ebert on YT or in their archives. Discussing movies is a real pleasure, but these two really cared about movies and they were intelligent and funny at the same time.
8. Being in NY. Walking to the Lincoln Plaza Cinemas; walking through Times Square at 3AM is so relaxing; going to see a musical or play; taking a cab to the Angelika; the moment I get off the plane and walk into LaGuardia, I feel a sense of relief and of being home.
9. Being in London. Same feeling of being at home. The Bfi; walking around Leicester square; visiting Jane Austen’s house; National Portrait gallery; walking past the London Eye at night, etc.
10. Listening to Cover to Cover with Jennifer Stone. It’s a 30 minute show on KPFA, and listening to it is my way of calming myself when something has pissed me off. Liberal, feminist, writer, creative, and a welcome relief from the mindless nonsense found on radio and television.
11. When I’m around gay men and only gay men. It’s nice to be in those situations where you’re not a straight girl’s best gay friend or having to make sure gay men don’t make a pass at your straight friend. I wish this happened more often: gays only events.
12. Alessio Romero and Conner Habib.
13. Watching sometipsforlife’s videos on YT.
14. Hole’s “Boys on the Radio” or anything by the Gin Blossoms.
15. Mangoes.
16. Being a smart ass.

GRIPES

1. Why is it when I go into the post office there’s only one person working the counter, but there’s another person who just wanders around doing absolutely nothing? So I have to wait behind the woman who can never decide what stamp she wants to put on one envelope. The post office wants to cut back delivery days, raise prices, but they’re perfectly fine with making sure no one wants to come into the post office because it takes 20 to 30 minutes to do one simple thing.
2. Gay men who use “faggot” as a term of endearment. I know some men do it to take the sting from the word, but I find the word offensive, and no amount of reclaiming the word is going to change that. People still die over “faggot.” It should not be used lightly which brings me to
3. People who tell me to get over something or to relax. Tell me you don’t agree. Tell me you have no opinion. Tell me you don’t have strong opinions. Don’t tell me to relax or get over it when I do have a strong opinion.
4. People that you genuinely like and want to follow on Twitter, but who retweet tweets from people you made a decision to unfollow because you can’t stand them. And it’s not just one retweet. IT’s an all day thing. Unfollowing becomes unnecessary since you can’t escape the unfollowed’s tweets.
5. People who insist on telling you the plot of the movie even though they know you want to watch it. When you refuse to listen, they’re extremely disappointed that they won’t be able to ruin it for you.
6. The mailman always comes two to three minutes before I’ve finished a Netflix disc I wanted to get in the mail so I have to hurry up and get dressed so I can chase the mailman down.
7. And the inevitable gay porn rant from me: Why is it when there’s a new hot guy in porn he’s rarely gay? He’s either straight or claims to be bi which means I’ll be inundated with pics of him having sex with women (try going to most gay porn news sites and not seeing straight sex photos) which kills any interest I may have in him. I pay for every site I belong to. I pay for every movie. I’m not into men having sex with women. Turns me off, but for some reason, most gay porn caters ONLY to those gay men turned on by straight sex. A group of people I’ve never met in real life, but they make up a large number of anonymous gay men on gay porn chat boards. And if he’s straight or bi, the gay porn stars will crazy for him. When a new performer is gay, there’s hardly a peep.
8. Gay men who will accuse me of hating bisexuals or straight men because I want my money to support gay positive materials. Straight men and women have no problem with this. In fact, some of have encouraged me to continue this practice, but some gay men are outraged by this. Call me a separatist because I want to support gay men first.
9. The people at the health food store who block the deli or food counters so you can’t see what is there. They’re so afraid you might see something before they get to it.
10. 10. Every time I go to a restaurant, a mother will bring her baby, and sit in the booth/table next to mine. Sometimes the baby is good, but I spend the rest of the time waiting for the baby to scream, cry, and be an annoying flesh monster. Some places are not for babies. Don’t know why this is so difficult to understand.
11. 11. People who don’t follow you on Twitter, but insist on DMing you so you can NEVER respond to their DM.
12. 12. People who take food from your plate without asking. If you want to try some of my food, ask me. I’ll give you some. Don’t just grab my food without asking.
13. 13. That I never have the same cultural references as most of the people I talk to. I’ve never watched Lost, Family Guy, True Blood (well, one episode), Jersey Shore, the housewives, and I don’t watch American Idol and Big Brother so I feel left out of many conversations.
14. 14. That as long as I live I will never be able to watch all the movies I want to see. That depresses me.
15. 15. Staight women at gay clubs. They get drunk and make huge fools of themselves. They hit on gay men. They try to make their straight boyfriends jealous by kissing or feeling up a gay man. They cause fights, and I’m so tired of them. There are some great straight girls, but the majority of them are a nightmare when they’re in the gay clubs. Every instance of violence at my local gay club has been caused by straight women. When we have the rare gay males only nights, there is never a fight and the police never show up. Women in gay clubs are the meanest drunks.

Just a few films I've seen this summer

The Last Station--A bunch of British actors get together and shriek and shriek and shriek. When they’re not shrieking, they are grimacing, crying, or throwing things. The movie has nothing intelligent to say about Leo Tolstoy and his wife’s fight to retain the copyright to his work. I never believed Christopher Plummer was capable of writing a run on sentence let alone great works of Literature. Helen Mirren has her moments, but her performance would have worked better in a comedy, and she ends up screaming most of her lines. Paul Giamatti is his typical useless self. The only emotion this overacted actor can portray is the fulness feeling in the before scenes of a constipation commercial. James McAvoy is miscast, and his character, a pain in the ass. The movie felt like a 5 hour miniseries that had 10 minutes of material. * out of ****

A Small Circle of Friends--A movie about sixties activism. It shows (rather well) how students reacted to the political upheaval around them. As a historical piece, it’s quite good, but as a movie, it doesn’t gel. It bites off way too much as it takes on the vietnam war, conservative v. liberal college administrators, the weather underground, feminism, lesbian feminism, free love, etc, and this distances the viewer from the material. It’s more a filmic textbook rather than a movie. Karen Allen and the late Brad Davis are fantastic in their roles. Allen in particular has a naturalness about her acting that is a joy to watch. She should have had a better career. Davis plays the brash Leonardo De Vinci, and he never shies away from playing this guy as the obnoxious asshole he really is. Jameson Parker (from a show called Simon and Simon) is the weakest of the three. He’s attractive, but his character is a bit of a cypher, and Parker doesn’t do much with it. There’s a strong supporting performance from John Friedrich as a Southern Republican turned Weather Underground member. Parker’s character should have been axed, and the movie should have concentrated more on this character. **1/2 out of ****

Equus--Yes, it’s the movie where a teenager blinds six horses with a sharp hook. The movie benefits from fantastic performances from Richard Burton, Joan Plowright, Colin Higgins, Eileen Atkins, and Peter Firth as the boy. Richard Burton in particular makes us aware of the psychiatrist’s own pain, and how his helping the boys can be his redemption for his staid life. The movie has two problems: it’s way too long, and it never establishes a point of view about the boy. What is his problem? Is he gay? The blinding comes after he can’t get it up for a woman, and his orgasmic scenes with his horse read like a description of gay sex. Close your eyes and listen to what Firth’s character actually says. But the movie also puts forth the idea that religion is the problem, and he’s replaced devotion to horses with devotion to God. Or the movie suggests that it’s a class issue. He’s striking out against the privileged class. As a result, it’s all a bit muddled. The blinding of the horses is brutal, and there’s a lot of frontal male nudity, but it’s not of the hand in underwear kind. The movie is held together by very strong performances. This was Burton’s last great performance based on a look at his imdb filmography. A movie that succeeds just enough to recommend it. *** out of ****.

I, Madman--This is a creepy, clever horror thriller that came out in 1989. It starts Jenny Wright as a bookstore worker who becomes obsessed with horror books. The killer in her book appears to have come out of the book to kill for real. The movie has a nice visual flair, and the director Tibor Takács throws in little comic bits that work and add to the enjoyment. Eighties heartthrob Clayton Rohner is on hand to take off his shirt, romance Wright’s character, and act confused and disbelieving. He does it quite well, and the two have a passionate and believable sex scene at the beginning of the film. It’s hard to take this film seriously as it does get sillier by the end, but it’s a low budget popcorn entertainment that’s a real joy. There is real energy and intelligence in a lot of what goes on in I, Madman. The film is rooted in character rather than gore. A definite recommendation. ***1/2 out of ****.

High Anxiety--Couldn’t even finish it. Turned it off after 20 minutes. Not one amusing line or action. Every thing in 20 minutes failed. This is the movie to torture me with if I ever stumble upon top secret government information or if I’ve done something to piss you off and you want to get back at me.

Gay Men and Pussy Talk

Straight porn would NEVER tolerate one of their leading male actors doing a gay scene just for kicks. Any straight actor who would do that would never work with the major studios again. Yet gay porn actors do this all the time because gay porn isn’t about being gay. It’s about being straight or pretending to be straight. It’s about not being seen as effeminate. Don't believe me? Ask gay performers who don't top to explain why they don't bottom. The internalized homophobia is overwhelming. And remember, this is from gay men not straight men.

Not a day goes by where I don’t see images of straight sex or someone in the gay porn industry tweeting about how great pussy is (using pussy as that’s how it’s described). A lot of this is because so many straight men do gay porn so gay porn has become watered down. I’ve seen more images of nude women since watching gay porn. I wonder if straight men see images of gay sex all the time when they’re reading straight porn blogs. Don’t think so. They wouldn’t stand for it so why should gay men? Gay men are constantly being told that being gay isn’t good enough. Being gay isn’t normal. Being gay is okay, but being straight or porn bisexual is so much better. You’re only gay because you haven’t met the right woman. It’s one thing when this comes from anti-gay bigots or g4pers. It’s another when it comes from gay men or an industry that caters to gay men.

I like being gay. I like everything about it: the touch of a man, his cock, his ass, the way he smells, the way gay sex feels, and the way I feel around a man. I adore it. I don’t want to dilute it. I don’t want to see it as less than because it isn’t. It’s who I am. I am not gay because I hate women. Yes, the idea of sex with a woman disgusts me. The disgust is a result of having straight SHOVED IN MY FACE all the time. Most women aren’t bothered by that statement because they’re disgusted by certain sex acts as well. Women are more sensible when it comes to sex. Men not so much. While straight men are allowed to feel disgusted (as long as they’re not using that disgust as an excuse to remove our rights), gay men are constantly being told that we’re women haters or heterophobic. No, I’m gay. I’m not someone who feels the need to talk about pussy or sleep with women to prove I’m a psuedostraight guy and be part of the in crowd. I don’t want to be straight just as straight guys don’t want to be gay.

1. If you would never talk about the joys of butt sex to a straight man, why do you feel it’s okay to talk about pussy to a gay man? The consideration for someone's sexual identity should go both ways.
2. If straight porn refuses to have the fantasy killed, why should gay porn constantly destroy the fantasy by reinforcing the notion that being gay is something you can change by meeting a good woman? (see my post about g4p where I touch briefly on the homophobic publicity surrounding Shifting Gears for ex.)
3. When a gay porn performer does a straight scene, they always insult gay sex, say how a pussy is so much better, and gay sex is much more disease ridden. Don’t believe me? Use google. I’ll give you a headstart. Read Arpad Miklos’s interview on The Sword about his straight scene. Can you imagine a straight porn performer insulting his straight fans like that? Neither can I.
4. Only in gay porn so some companies start off scenes by having the men talk about how much they love pussy. Sean Cody is great at that. 2 minutes of pussy talk will go by before the straight guys can have unsexy, acrobatic sex. (won't call it gay sex as that would be an insult to proud gays who don't feel the need to talk about pussy just to have sex).
5. I’m sorry if I’m bothered by “Gay” men who sleep with women. I am. I can’t help it. It’s judgmental, but when you’re bombarded with images of straight sex, films showing that gay men sleep with women all the time, being told you’re a pervert for being gay, the last thing you want to hear is “gay” men telling you how great pussy is. What is wrong with wanting gay porn or discussions with gay friends to be free of images straight sex?

I just want one week where being gay is about being gay and that’s seen as a good thing. Where being gay is seen as enough. Where I'm not told that I should try pussy or that straight sex feels so good. Don’t think that’s too much to ask.

Even on vacation, I can’t resist the urge to rant. Going to Jamie Oliver's ITalian restaurant in Oxford.

Latest adventures in bottoming

Well, my quest to become versatile in the bedroom continues. I decided last night that it was time once again to try to bottom with a dildo. I have one from Titan. It’s black and vibrates although I was too lazy to look for batteries so it wasn’t vibrating last night. Also didn’t have lube anal-eze. I decided to use olive oil. Yes, I know. I can imagine the groans from the handful of people who read this blog. When you’re in the mood, you have to improvise. I cleaned myself out. I lubed up the dildo and I tried to set myself down on it. This never works. I always aim too far or too short.This is where the pain comes as I’m often too eager, and I can ram it into places it shouldn’t be rammed. Not good. It took a few times, and it worked. IT never hurts. It doesn’t feel good. It doesn’t feel bad. It just feels weird. I was straddling the dildo while wearing headphones connected to my ipod touch. Don’t remember what porn scene I was watching, but I was moving up and done, and I was getting more aroused. More aroused from the scene and less from the dildo. Then, I got a foot cramp so I had to stop. I removed the dildo and massaged my foot. I was not to be defeated. I lubed up the dildo with olive oil which does smell fruity (ha ha) up close, and I sat down on it once again. This time, I got going, and developed a rhythm. The feeling of the impending orgasm was so intense that I got super excited and started jerking off maniacally. I lost my balance, fell over (dildo still in) and hit my head on the television stand. I wasn’t injured, and I came on the dvd player which annoyed me after I stopped laughing. You haven’t lived until you’ve checked to see if you got cum inside your dvd player. The thing is that the dildo doesn’t do much for me in itself. The orgasm with the dildo is certainly more intense so I do it for that reason.

Sabre 3

Sabre 2

Sabre 1

What is a gay man?

What does being gay mean? I never asked myself this question until I started hanging around more gay organizations, participating in gay message boards, and watching gay porn. MY simple answer is that a gay man is someone who wants to only have sex with a man and has the capacity to only have love relationships with a man. Apparently, I’m living under a rock because I see so many other definitions:

1.)A gay man is only gay once he’s dated and slept with women. When he rejects women, he’s magically gay. The underlying assumption is that being gay is about rejecting women rather than wanting men. Does that mean I’m not gay since I’ve never slept with or rejected women? Trust me, I’m not going back to rectify that.

2.)A gay man is only gay if he comes out. IF you don’t come out or don’t have to ( it was ALWAYS known I was gay), does that mean you’re not gay? A silly question, but I’ve had supposedly sane people assert you’re not gay until you come out.

3.)A gay man is someone who bottoms. Only a “real man” tops which I guess means that I’ve been a “real” man 95% of the time. A real, masculine man can’t be gay. He’s straight acting and so many gay men find it a huge compliment to be told they are straight acting. I’ve even seen gay men try to pass themselves off as straight in clubs. Why? Are you so insecure about being gay that you need people to think you’re straight? Is being gay such a loss of masculinity for you? I’ve noticed these men see bottoming as something beneath them, something feminine. There’s a real unspoken distaste for the man who bottoms with these “straight acting” men. And if they have bottomed or attempted to bottom, it’s as if they want a medal.

The Porn gay:

1.)A gay man is someone who must bow at the feet of a gay for pay performer. He must worship this straight man while the straight man shows absolute contempt for the man and gay sex. The gay must do all the work and must never expect anything in return.

2.)A gay man is someone who bottoms. Much like number three above, the straight acting men get to top while the bottoms are the stereotypically gay ones. If you start off as a top, but you bottom, you will most likely be relegated to bottoming roles. Once you bottom, you will lose your power as a straight acting man. A dick in your ass apparently makes you weak, less than, and a sissy. A dick wipes away your masculinity. The tops who may have bottomed in the past must always remind fans that they are “real men” in their private lives. “I would never allow a man to stick a dick up my ass in real life.” Good for you. You’re a straight acting man. See the number 3 man above for your medal.

3.)According to a lot of gay porn, gay sex is only performed when a gay man tricks a straight man, there’s straight porn in the background, or there’s a woman involved. Or in some cases, you can be as passionate as you want once you’ve begun the porn scene with “I love pussy” statements or you say that one of your fantasies is sleeping with a woman. I know there’s nothing I like better than hearing how much a man “loves pussy” (direct quote from a sean cody video) or fantasizes about straight sex when I’m trying to get off or have sex.

I’m just an inadequate gay man according to real life and porn, but I like being this inadequate gay man. I didn’t reject women. There was no reason to. I knew I wanted men and it had nothing to do with women. I didn’t have to come out. I knew who I was and I was not going to pretend and my family would never have allowed me to. While I top most of the time, I want to be more versatile. I don’t see bottoming as a loss of masculinity. I see it as simply adding another dimension to my sex life. Wanting to be straight and fetishing straightness seems like a waste of time. If you’re wanting applause from straights for being straight acting, it’s a losing battle. If you have sex with men, they will always see as gay or in some cases, a fag.

Sexual Slang for the Cock

Sexual Slang for Penis:

Arm

Baloney

Banana

Battering Ram

Bazooka

Bent Stick: a non erect penis

Big Ben

Black Bart

Business

Charger

Cherry Picker

Conduit Pipe

Crank

Cucumber

Dagger

Dangling Participle (my personal fave)

Ding Dong

Dink

Dork

Engine

Flute

Frankfurter

Gristle

Gun

Hot Rod

Junior

Kielbasa

Knob

Kosher Pickle (circumcised penis)

Love Muscle

Love Root

Love Stick

Magic Wand

Maypole

Meat and Two Vegetables

Middle LEg

Peacemaker

Peppermint Stick

Percy

Piccolo

Pike

Pisser

Pistol

Plunger

Pylon

Rammer

Ramrod

Red Cap

Richard

Roger

Schmuck

Skin Flute

Stretcher

Stub

Swizzle Stick

Tootsie Roll

Wurst

Yogurt Pen

Interviewing Myself Part I

Q. Why have you been having such a slutty Spring?
A: I’ve been a serial monogamist. I’ve had hookups, but they’re not usually my thing. Lately, I’ve been in a slutty phase. I’m turned on by anything with dark hair and dark eyes and even some guys who aren’t dark haired. I’m not one for anonymous hook-ups. I find them unsafe in a number of ways. I also need some sort of connection between the person and me. If there’s not, I could save the traveling or the money and fuck myself at home.

Q: Do you think bisexuality exists?
A:There’s porn bisexuality and there’s actual bisexuality. Most studies done have indicated that bisexuality is very rare. Honestly, I don’t care. I don’t think about bisexuality much except when people claim that all of us are a little bisexual which is completely false. I would never date a bisexual. If you’re into women, you’re not for me.

Q:Do you hate bisexuals?
A:I don’t hate bisexuals. I simply am not interested in getting involved with one. I have a certain type. Gay, dark-haired and dark-eyed.

Q:Would you ever have sex with a woman?
A:Interviewer, would you ever ask a straight man if he’d have sex with a man? Does the straight porn press obsess about its male performers having sex with men? Do straight male performers get asked repeatedly if they’d have sex with men? If the answers are yes, I’ll answer this.

Q:You must really hate women if you aren’t turned on by straight porn or by gay porn stars doing straight scenes!
A:LOL. You do realize what being gay means, right? Some of us gays like being gay. And since I PAY for ALL of my porn, I can be turned on by/and turned off by anything I want.

Q. Have you thought about doing porn?
A: I have. I’ve thought seriously about it, but I don’t think it’s for me. I would only do porn that was gay positive. I would not do a scene with a straight or bisexual man (and that’s because the bisexual has usually done a bi or straight scene). I would not work for a company that promotes straights as their exclusives. I would not work for any company that allows a straight man to do nothing in a scene while the gay actor does everything. Basically, that leaves me little to no options in gay porn.

Q:Why do you have a problem with straight men and bisexual men?
A:It’s not about having problems with straights or bisexuals. It’s about wanting to support gays and positive portrayals of gay sex in porn. I find it so interesting that wanting something to be by gays and for gays scares the hell out of some people. And by some people, I mean gay men. Almost every negative comment I’ve had about wanting my porn to be by and for gays only has been from other gay men. So many gay men have a real problem with anything gay. They’ll put it down, mock it, insult it, but speak lovingly about straight performers or straight scenes. I find it disturbing.

25 things I've never done.

1. I’ve never dated a pale or a dark-skinned person. My dates or boyfriends are usually the color of vanilla latte. My latest ex is biracial, and most of my boyfriends have been biracial or Spanish speaking. I prefer dark-haired and dark eyed men. Although, I would be open to dating a blond man. I say that to be politically correct, but I’m not sure it’s true. Is Paul Wagner a blond? I’d make an exception for him. I would however date a pale or a dark-skinned person. It’s the hair color that’s a sticking point.
2. I’ve never eaten a twinkie.
3. I’ve never gotten drunk. The most glasses I’ve had is 3.
4. I’ve never read The Scarlet Letter even though I lie to my professors and tell them I have.
5. I’ve never been to most states in the South.
6. I’ve never mastered geography. Is Florida part of the south? I’ve been there.
7. I’ve never figured out directions so east, west, north, and south mean nothing to me.
8. I’ve never gone a whole week where I have not talked to my family.
9. I’ve never been dumped by someone I’ve dated.
10. I’ve never learned how to swim. Cable showings of JAWS and ORCA put a stop to that. (see #17)
11. I’ve never seen a single episode of 24, LOST, or SEINFELD.
12. I’ve never been able to throw away issues of THE NEW YORKER, OUT, HARPER’S and GENRE magazines.
13. I’ve never cheated on a boyfriend.
14. I’ve never had any impulse control when it comes to shopping. I often buy to be buying.
15. I’ve never changed a tire or taken my car to the shop to get the oil changed. A boyfriend or my family have always done it for me.
16. I’ve never completely mowed a lawn. The one time I tried to mow the lawn I ran the mower over my foot. It took four months to get back to normal.
17. I have never gotten over my fear or sharks
18. I have never been able to stand people who feel the need to make everything into a joke.
19. I have never slept with a woman. I have never wanted to sleep with a woman.
20. I have never dated a bisexual, and I doubt I ever will.
21. I am never been able to forgive myself for hurtful things I’ve done to other people. I obsess about them long after the people I’ve hurt have forgotten about them.
22. I have never been able to tell my cat no when he wants to be held or petted even if I’m in the middle of something important.
23. I’ve never been able to sit at the computer for more than 10 minutes without getting up and pacing back and forth.
24. I’ve never eaten at home on a Friday.
25. I’ve never seen less than 100 films a year at the movie theatre.

Another round of irritating things said to me.

1. “Your call is very important to us. You’re the next in line to speak to a customer service representative. Estimated wait time: 4 minutes.” 30 minutes later, I’m still on hold waiting for a Time Warner CSR.
2. “It’s just sex.” That’s because you’re not doing it right.
3. “I don’t really drink.” Oh, really? Must have been someone else who lied about the number of drinks he had, vomited, dropped his car keys in the bathroom trash can, had to be helped out by me and the two owners, was too drunk to drive, and left me stranded with no way to get home. Yeah, you don’t really drunk, you pathetic piece of shit. Yes, I’m not angry anymore.
4. “I really don’t like wearing them. What if I just put the tip in?” What if I just knocked your teeth in?
5. “Did I wake you?” No, I only sound half-asleep when I’m wide awake. You’re calling me at 9AM. I don’t get up until noon. Do the math.
6. “Do you want to rent those?” No, I just came in to look around, grab dvds off the shelf, and show you the pretty covers.
7. “How are you?” We’re acquaintances. You don’t care how I am. I know you’re being polite, but don’t stop me to give an answer you’re not interested in hearing.
8. “Have you seen my wallet?” Does it look like I have a wallet detector up my ass?
9. “I’ll pay you back.” No, you won’t. You’ll make excuses for why you can’t pay me. You’ll avoid me and then you’ll blame me for being too controlling and money hungry.
10. “I’m often mistaken for straight. It’s so cool.” How great! Now for your next task, can you balance this ball on your nose?

A list of 12 annoying things said to me.

1. "Everyone's a little bisexual." Annoying because it's not true. All the research says otherwise.

2. "You don't know what it's like to have kids." No, I don't, but you do, and you're still allowing them to behave like assholes.

4. "What's your ATM card number?" Lady, the ATM machine ate my card. How the hell am I supposed to know my card number? Would you like me to try to climb inside the ATM a la Trainspotting and retrieve my card rendering this phone call completely useless?

5. "You don't think about anyone but yourself." This said by the family member who took 12 people out to dinner, and announced that he would pay for everyone but me since I had enough money to pay for myself. This relative later asked me to lend some money to buy "new rims." Needless to say, he didn't get the rims. BTW, no one in the family likes him.

6.  "You're so selfish." Said to me by the friend who expected me to pay for his dinner and got insulted when I told the waitress that it was separate checks for our group. Somehow, he had forgotten to bring his wallet even though he knew we were seeing three movies, going out to dinner, and stopping for coffee and then the cheesecake factory.

7. "Is this subtitled?" Grandfather, what part of "It's in Italian" makes you think the dialogue won't be in Italian?

8. "We still have time to discuss.." It's 7:30. It's hot and there's no air. No one gives a damn about Melville's The Confidence Man. Let us go home!

9. "Have you been coming to the gym?" No, I haven't been coming to the gym while you've been sick. I hired a trainer because I injure myself when I use the machines on my own. As my trainer, you know this. You've seen my hernia surgery scar. Why ask such a dumb ass question?

10. "Have you seen Wild Hogs?" Seriously!? Wild Hogs?? You've known me all my life. Have I ever shown any interest in a film like Wild Hogs? Do you think I'm secretly skipping out of a Jacque Rivette double feature to see Wild Hogs?

11."Do you go to Akron U?" I just handed you my university ID. You've seen me in the student center. I know Blockbuster doesn't encourage their employees to think, but come on!

12. "Have you watched all these films?" You just commented that most of my blu-rays/discs are still in the shrinkwrap. Don't you think that would be big clue that I haven't?

Questions about using Twitter

1. Should you feel guilty about not following someone who follows you?

2. Should you feel slighted when someone responds to your tweets, but never follows you even though he/she follows a lot of people?

3. When do you know to respond or not to respond? I never know if I've responded too much or if I'm meant to respond to something I don't think needs a response.

4. How long can you let a tweet go unanswered?

5.  When do you go from a tweet to a DM?

6. If someone you know follows you, and you know they won't like a lot of the content you tweet about, do you warn them or just them follow you?

7. When is it appropriate to go over 140 characters?

8. When does flirting on Twitter become obnoxious?

9.  Do you need to acknowledge a #FF?

10. If someone never acknowledges an #FF, do you continue to include them in your #FFs?

11. Why do people use these automated systems to get new followers? Don't you want people who follow you because they are interested in what you have to say?

12.  IF someone you know unfollows you, do you ask them why?

13. Is it ever acceptable to tell someone they are tweeting too much or tweeting about nonsense and he/she needs to stop?

Best and Worst of 2008

The top ten:
10. SUMMER HOURS
9. FLIGHT OF THE RED BALLOON
8. THE LAST MISTRESS
7. THE DUCHESS OF LANGEAIS
6. MY WINNIPEG
5. I'VE LOVED YOU SO LONG
4. SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE
3. LORNA'S SILENCE
2. LOVE SONGS (GARREL)
1. A CHRISTMAS TALE

THE WORST FILMS (in no order):
STOP-LOSS
WHAT HAPPENS IN VEGAS
IRINI PALM
MOTHER OF TEARS
CASSANDRA'S DREAM
TRANSSIBERIAN
VANTAGE POINT
SMART PEOPLE
TROPIC THUNDER
BLINDNESS

MOVIES I ENJOYED/WOULD RECOMMEND:
UNDER THE BOMBS
THE POPE'S TOILET
WALTZ WITH BASHIR
THE WRESTLER
DOUBT
RACHEL GETTING MARRIED
LOSS
EINSTEIN AND EDDINGTON
THE WAITING ROOM
ASHES OF TIME REDUX
XXY
UP THE YANGTZE
SOOM (BREATH)
TELL NO ONE
THE CLASS
THEN SHE FOUND ME
FROZEN RIVER
THE DUCHESS
MAN ON WIRE
THE WITNESSES

Best and Worst of 2007

Best of 2007:
10. ONCE
9. DANS PARIS
8. MEMORIES OF TOMORROW
7. SYNDROMES OF A CENTURY
6. 4 MONTHS, 3 WEEKS AND 2 DAYS
5. NIGHT OF THE SUNFLOWERS
4. CHALK
3. PERSEPOLIS
2. LUST, CAUTION
1. THE LOOKOUT

WORST OF 2007:
YOUR MOMMY KILLS ANIMALS
DEDICATION
BECOMING JANE
KNOCKED UP
DESCENT
FLAKES
ALATRISTE
RESERVATION ROAD
LADY CHATTERLEY
GRAY MATTERS

Best and Worst of 2006

Top ten:
1. VOLVER
2. THREE TIMES (The 1966 segment)
3. BALLETS RUSSES
4. DEATH OF MR. LAZARESCU
5. 20 CENTIMETERS
6. BRICK
7. HOUSE OF SAND
8. OFF BEAT
9. DEAR WENDY
10. FROZEN LAND

Top Ten Worst/Disappointments:
AGNES AND HIS BROTHERS
ASK THE DUST
BABEL
CASINO ROYALE
DEATH OF THE PRESIDENT
DEPARTED
FLAGS OF OUR FATHERS
MARIE ANTOINETTE
MIAMI VICE
SCOOP

FILMS THAT I WOULD RECOMMEND:
49 UP
DISTRICT B13
L'ENFANT
ART SCHOOL CONFIDENTIAL
SCIENCE OF SLEEP
THE QUEEN
JESUS CAMP
SHADOWBOXER
THE TRAVELER
PAHELI
LA MUJER DE MI HERMANO
SYMPATHY FOR LADY VENGEANCE
PAN'S LABYRINTH
WHO KILLED THE ELECTRIC CAR?
GABRIELLE
HISTORY BOYS
NOTORIOUS BETTIE PAGE
TRISTAM SHANDY: A COCK AND BULL STORY
SALVADOR
MONGOLIAN PING PONG
CLEAN

Best and Worst of 2005

2005:
Top Ten:
1. MYSTERIOUS SKIN
2. LOWER CITY
3. SEPARATE LIES
4. KEEPING MUM
5. JOYEUX NOEL
6. MAD HOT BALLROOM
7. CACHE
8. 2046
9. HIDDEN BLADE
10. MRS. HENDERSON PRESENTS

Ten Worst (in no order):
DOT THE I
GUESS WHO
THE LIBERTINE
WHERE THE TRUTH LIES
THE INTERPRETER
MONSTER-IN-LAW
SISTERHOOD OF THE TRAVELING PANTS
JARHEAD
MUNICH
The absolute worst: ME AND YOU AND EVERYONE WE KNOW

My Top ten list for 2004

2004:
 Top Ten:
1. BAD EDUCATION
2. THE LIZARD
3. GIRL WITH THE PEARL EARRING (saw it in 2004)
4. THE HOLY GIRL
5 FINDING NEVERLAND
6. SIMON
7. WILBUR WANTS TO KILL HIMSELF
8. TOUCHING THE VOID
9. ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND
10. Ae FOND KISS

Films I recommend:
MOOLADE
A VERY LONG ENGAGEMENT
MARIA, FULL OF GRACE
DEATH IN GAZA
DIVINE INTERVENTION
THE BUTTERFLY EFFECT (still surprised I liked this one)
SEX IS COMEDY
LES CHORISTES/THE CHORUS
INTIMATE STRANGERS
THE RASPBERRY REICH
VERA DRAKE
THE SEA INSIDE
SHAUN OF THE DEAD
FINAL CUT: THE MAKING AND UNMAKING OF HEAVEN'S GATE
MILLION DOLLAR BABY
THE MACHINIST (mainly for Bale's performance)
HOTEL RWANDA
Ae FOND KISS
TIME OF THE WOLF
EVERYDAY PEOPLE
THE DREAMERS (even if the film never lives up to its potential)
ANATOMY OF HELL
BRIEF CROSSING
SPIDER-MAN 2
DISTANT
SINCE OTAR LEFT
SPRING, SUMMER, FALL WINTER... AND SPRING
THE FIVE OBSTRUCTIONS
FREE RADICALS
SPRINGTIME IN A SMALL TOWN
COWARDS BEND THE KNEE
THE WEATHER UNDERGROUND
ON THE RUN/AN AMAZING LIFE/AFTER THE LIFE

10 Worst Films of 2004 (IN NO ORDER):
13 GOING ON 30
DIRTY SHAME
SUPER SIZE ME
THE GRUDGE
BEFORE SUNSET
COLD MOUNTAIN
NAPOLEON DYNAMITE
BEING JULIA
NOEL
WE DON'T LIVE HERE ANYMORE

Movies that Disappointed because they should have been better:
SECRET WINDOW
LIFE AND DEATH OF PETER SELLERS
AVIATOR
CLOSER
DE-LOVELY
MONSIEUR IBRAHIM
ROSENSTRASSE
MEET THE FOCKERS
HOME AT THE END OF THE WORLD (although Spacek's performance is Oscar worthy)
THE CARD PLAYER
SPANGLISH
CRIMINAL
SECRET THINGS
CRIMSON GOLD
CONTROL ROOM
YOUNG ADAM
BRIGHT YOUNG THINGS
HUMAN STAIN

Losing Passion for Writing

I sometimes feel like I’ve spent the last few years of my life writing about nonsense that doesn’t matter in the end. Research paper after research paper. Who besides my professor is going to give a damn about my paper on a villainess in an 18th century British novel? Does the following make you quiver in excitement:

Frances Burney creates many villainous and repellant characters in Evelina: Sir John Belmont, Captain Mirvan, Mr. Lovel, Sir Clement Willoughby, and Lady Louisa Larpent, but it is Madame Duval who emerges as the most hated character. The narrative continually abuses and humiliates her while the other characters save for Mr. Lovel emerge unscathed. Sir Clement Willoughby kidnaps Evelina, Captain Mirvan is a bully who delights in humiliating Madame Duval, terrorising his wife and daughter, and causing general mayhem, and Sir John Belmont abandons the mothers of both his children, but Madame Duval commits an unforgivable crime by being a lower class woman pretending to be a French aristocrat. The men can cheat, abuse, rob, kidnap, abandon children and mothers, but Madame Duval does not know her true place in society so she must be punished and contained within the narrative.

I thought not. Yet most of my energy is spent writing these sorts of papers. I enjoy some of them, but what is it going to get me? What will I get out of graduate school? Is it going to make me a better writer? Hardly. It’s made me a worse writer. I spend my time figuring out ways to do very little for that A. I usually wait until the last minute to write my 20 page research papers, and sometimes, I just use a paper I’ve already written, and I spruce it up for the current class. Graduate school has made me dread writing. I don’t have the passion for it that I once did. I envy those bloggers who can write 10 to 15 pages at a time. Writing has been a chore for the last few years that there is little joy anymore. I enjoy posting film reviews, and I sometimes enjoy ranting on topics of sexuality, but I wish I could recapture my love of writing. 

I miss being passionate about writing poetry or the soap opera I started writing in seventh grade. Only my sister read it, but it felt so good to create characters and plots. Not the same anymore. I must write a one page response paper every Monday; a 20 page seminar paper; 2 8 page papers, an annotated bibliography, a case study of a scholarly article. I do my damndest to put as little effort in as possible. I go to class and I dread every second of my Monday Melville class. I have no interest in Melville. Not even a chapter about sperm and circle jerking could interest me much. I have to write my response paper on a book I haven’t even opened up, and it’s due by Monday afternoon. And the thing is: I don’t care. As for this blog entry, 

Recent Films I've seen

Some recent movies I watched:

1. THE HURT LOCKER: I adore Bigelow's Near Dark. That movie is full of energy and quirky characters. It's a vampire movie with heart. THL has a fantastic movie in there somewhere, but the finished product is just such a mess. A good 40 minutes could be excised. The Ralph Fiennes segment slows down the film, and adds nothing to the narrative. Some of the acting by the minor characters is hammy and embarrassing. While the movie is tense and immensely gripping at times, nothing new is explored. I've seen films about men who feel safer in the pressure cooker of wartime fighting. Bigelow adds nothing to that. A real shame that the first female director wins for such a sloppy film especially in a year when Jane Campion directed the much better, Bright Star which was shamefully overlooked.

2. DILLINGER IS DEAD: Egads, this movie was awful. I have a thing for long films where nothing much happens, but this movie is D.O.A. There's no life to it. It's 90 minutes of Michel Piccoli walking around the house, making a meal, looking at home videos, and then we get some plot movement in the last five minutes which I won't spoil if you're masochistic enough to want to watch it. If I hadn't invited people over to see this film, I'd have stopped it 10 minutes into it. It's one of those films which critics bend themselves into verbal pretzels trying to explain the "deep meaning" of the "nothingness" in the film. What is said in the film would have been better served in a short film. Instead, 5 minutes of actual energy is overwhelmed by 85 minutes of self-indulgence. Some films are just pieces of shit. This is one of those films.

3.  The Leopard Man is a 1943 film directed by Jacques Tourneur who directed Cat PEople and Easy Living with Lucille Ball. It's a horror film about a leopard who escapes and starts stalking women. It's swiftly placed, has some nice scares, and a quirky sense of humor. The resolution is a bit of a letdown, but it's a small quibble. IF you like black and white horror movies from the forties, this is one to check out.

Our Heterosexual Portion of the Evening (Heterosexual Love/Sex films)

Continuing to our heterosexual portion of the evening. I'll now recommend some heterosexual love or sex films.

The first one has to be Betty Blue (aka 37°2 le matin). If you are not aroused by the first five minutes of this film, you have no pulse. The sex scenes are graphic and highly arousing. The film is about a slightly off kilter man who falls in love with a psychotic woman. It's directed by Jean-Jacques Beineix who also directed Diva, one of the best thrillers of the Eighties. While the director's cut of Betty Blue is nearly three hours long, it's also the most complete and it gives depth to the characters. Check out some of Beineix's other films as well. I've never been disappointed in any of his films. If nothing else, they are visually arresting.


The Piano Teacher: One of my favorite actresses is Isabelle Huppert. You can never go wrong renting/buying any of her films, but The Piano Teacher ranks as one of her best. It's the story of a piano teacher Erika, a sexually repressed woman still living with her shrew of a mother. She becomes obsessed with a new student played by Benoît Magimel. The two characters engage in a sadomasochistic sexual relationship. The film calls on Huppert to portray difficult emotional scenes, and she does it seamlessly. There is never a moment where she is not in character. She was unanimously voted Best Actress at the Cannes film festival.

In the Mood for Love: This a gorgeously film meditation on love and its complications. The cinematography, music, direction, and acting come together in a film that celebrates that indescribable feeling when two people fall in love. Maggie Cheung and Tony Leung Chiu Wai play the lovers, and they are fantastic at playing characters who have difficulty in expressing their love. The film is glorious to look at, and it just washes over you. It's one of those films that is all about the mood. There's a sequel, 2046 that is good, not nowhere near the masterpiece level of this film.

Gay or Bisexual (yes, I do watch bisexual films occasionally) films I recommend

Since I talk a lot about movies, I thought I'd write up some recommendations. Most of the films I watch are international so if you don't like subtitled films, best to leave now.

Gay or Bisexual (yes, I do watch bisexual films occasionally) films I recommend:

Les Chansons D'Amour: It's the story of a man's grief over a relationship ending. The film then goes in a very interesting direction. The film stars the yummy Louis Garrel as the grieving man. It's directed by Christophe Honoré who also did Ma Mere (with Huppert), Dans Paris, and Novo with the gorgeous Eduardo Noriega. The fluid sexuality depicted in the film feels realistic and never sansationalized. The characters are real and it's one of the few films where I see bisexuality taken seriously.

Presque Rien (Come Undone): Stéphane Rideau and Jérémie Elkaïm star in this film about a teeanger's first homosexual relationship. Moody music, lots of brooding, French people miserable, and hot sex scenes. My kind of film. I'm a sucker for French men in misery over tortured love affairs. Make sure to get the uncut version as the sex scenes should not be missed. Stéphane Rideau is stunningly beautiful and he's fully nude a lot for those that like that sort of thing. I'm above such carnal displays. Although he's straight, Stéphane Rideau has done a lot of gay-themed films. I recommend Sitcom, Full Speed, and The Clan/3 Dancing Slaves. He's also very good in the non-gay themed LOIN which you can get from the UK if you have a region free player.

Nighthawks and Strip Jack Naked:Nighthawks is one of the first explicit looks at a gay man's life. It charts his life through gay clubs, sex, his job as a teacher, etc. It's a very good film, and SJN is the sequel. The sex scenes are explicit for the time, but there is a lot of kissing which I like. I'm a sucker for passionate kissing. If you have a region free player, get the BFI combo release of both films. It'll be well worth it.

Un Chant D'Amour: This is a silent film by the writer Jean Genet. It's set in a prison, and it's all about longing for connection to another man. Highly sensual and suprisingly erotic for a film made in 1950. The film was not released theatrically until 1975. Genet uses a cigarette in such a sexually charged way that it almost made want to learn to smoke. Incredibly sensual film. This webpage http://tinyurl.com/ykv2hxw has a review of all of the available editions, and it has images from the film where you can get an idea of how Genet uses the cigarette.

More to come. I also watch straight films (hard to imagine, I know) so I'll be writing up some recommendations later tonight.

The Vagina and Being a Gay Man: The one and only time I was near a vagina.

The vagina! Gasp! The vagina and gay men! Double gasp! I've never been sure why gay men should have a relation to the vagina besides the obvious. For me, being born was the last time I was near or wanted to be near a vagina. I'm not afraid of the vagina. I'm not disgusted by the vagina. I'm just not interested. The Vagina and the television show Lost have something in common: my complete indifference. I get offended by the notion that I hate women or am disgusted by the vagina because I'm gay. I am not gay because I rejected women or the vagina. I am gay because I am turned on by men and penises. I know that I'm probably the only gay men in the world who never kissed a girl, made out with a girl, had sex with a girl, was engaged to a girl, married a girl, or any combination. I  must have been absent the day that the How to be a Proper Gay handbook was reprinted with a new rule that "Gay men must have sex with women, must reject women because of their vaginas, and only after having sex with women are they allowed to have sex with men."

What I resent is that I can't enjoy my gay films, television shows, or even gay porn without having gay relationships or gay sex diluted with heterosexuality. Every coming out story must have the man kissing or usually, having sex with a woman before he comes out. If he's already out, he must have sex with the woman at some point in the show or film. I throw out these examples of television shows where the boy/man must make out with or have sex with a woman/women as a part of being gay: Forbidden Love, As the World Turns, One Life to Live, Shameless, Young and the Restless, United States of Tara, Queer As Folk, Ugly Betty, Sinchronicity, etc. The list for films: Reinas, Make the Yuletide Gay, Chef's Special, the Eating out Trilogy, Next Best Thing, Bedrooms and Hallways, etc. Those are just examples off the top of my head without my looking through my movie diary or consulting IMDB.

And if you are not turned on by straight sex, gay porn will be a nightmare since gay porn is apparently now a straight business since I can't read a gay porn blog without encountering yet another story of a g4per doing straight porn, insulting gay sex, or now doing transsexual porn. Breasts and vaginas are now a must for gay porn sites. If you resent the straight intrusion into gay porn, you're considered judgmental, hateful, and yes, heterophobic. I know there are gay men who enjoy watching straight porn, but on a gay porn blog, I should not have to see photos of straight sex and gay porn stars in straight porn scenes. Of course, the reverse would never happen. Straight porn sites would never run photos of gay sex. I highly doubt that stories about Ryan Driller are accompanied by his gay porn scenes as Jeremy Bilding. The readers would never put up with it, but gay men must be good little boys and accept being insulted at every opportunity.

I know that some gay men dislike women and are sickened by the sight of vaginas. The slurs and the "ewww" comments are ridiculous and offensive, but isn't that to be expected? Do straight men sit around and compliment each other penises? Do they watch gay porn? Do they go to straight porn sites hoping to see images of erect penises? Do they watch television shows hoping that gay characters will kiss? When they watch straight porn, are they expected to put up with straight for pay actors and straight for pay actors who make a point of saying how disgusting straight sex is? Somehow, gay man are expected to do the equivalent, and if they are not interested, they're labeled heterophobic and misogynistic.

I have found straight sex sexy. Betty Blue, 9 Songs, Amantes, 9 1/2 Weeks,  and Antares come to mind. I also adore the works of Catherine Breillat which are always about women's sexuality, and in particular, Romance is one of my favorite films. That film has a seven minute gynecological exam shown in explicit detail. I was not offended by the vagina. I was not harmed by the sight of the vagina. Being gay is not about rejecting the vagina. It's about wanting the penis.

Betrayals

I had a class with a woman who was coming back to get her degree in social work. She had a very calming presence and we would talk before class. She would tell me how much social work meant to her, and that she wanted to use her degree to help disadvantaged children. I thought it was so admirable of her to return to university after a disastrous marriage. 13 weeks into the semester I no longer found her admirable. One day before she class, she told me that she was rethinking her career choice because she didn't think she could be in an office alone with a black man. She told me that she feared that black men would harm her in some way.  She looked normal. She was intelligent, thoughtful, and caring. So who was this woman before me spouting racist bullshit? I had wasted three months getting to know this woman, liking this woman (non-sexually), and it was all for nothing. I had befriended a racist. I felt completely betrayed. Had I been completely blind to who she was? Had I missed the signs? I replayed the conversations I could remember, but I saw no hint. Her racism came out of nowhere. The betrayal still stings. I tend not to get over those types of betrayals. I've never been cheated on. I've never cheated, but it's these types of betrayals that sting--when people say or do something that is in complete opposition to your idea of them. Two other betrayals:

--the professor I liked who later said, "Adrienne Rich was a good poet until she decided to become a lesbian." He was serious.
--the friend who told me she was going to vote for a politician even though he spouted anti-gay rhetoric. I thought to myself, "You're going to vote for someone who hates me and would take away all my rights??" I never spoke to her again.

One betrayal where my reaction bothers me: an out, gay friend who told me that he had always been out and he had never been ashamed. I later found out from his mother that he had been closeted and even dated a girl for a year. I thought less of him at the moment. Not only had he lied, but he had dated a girl (girls are wonderful, but I see this as a dilution of homosexuality). Our friendship was never the same after that. I always found an excuse to miss his calls or forget to invite him to go to the movies. I regret my reaction.

I've always disliked it when a gay man has dated or had sex with women. It pisses me off. I like gay men to be gay. Even to this day, I still cringe and grit my teeth when a gay man tells me he dated and/or had sex with a girl or girls. It's one of those things I can not get past. Frankly, I'm not sure I want to get past it. I admit it. I'm very judgmental. I have an idea in my head of how I want someone to be, and when he/she deviates from that idea, I am offended. Instead of comforting my friend and offering support for his painful time as a closeted gay man, I chose to shun him because he had not lived up to my vision of him. He had chosen to be infallible, and I couldn't deal with that. It's not a comfortable feeling knowing that I committed a betrayal by discarding my friend because he had not adhered to the perfect image of a gay man I had created. I sometimes consider calling him and apologizing for my reaction, but I never do. My judgment wins over rekindling an important friendship. Another betrayal.

I sometimes feel like I’ve spent the last few years of my life writing about nonsense that doesn’t matter in the end. Research paper after research paper. Who besides my professor is going to give a damn about my paper on a villainess in an 18th century British novel? Does the following make you quiver in excitement:
Frances Burney creates many villainous and repellant characters in Evelina: Sir John Belmont, Captain Mirvan, Mr. Lovel, Sir Clement Willoughby, and Lady Louisa Larpent, but it is Madame Duval who emerges as the most hated character. The narrative continually abuses and humiliates her while the other characters save for Mr. Lovel emerge unscathed. Sir Clement Willoughby kidnaps Evelina, Captain Mirvan is a bully who delights in humiliating Madame Duval, terrorising his wife and daughter, and causing general mayhem, and Sir John Belmont abandons the mothers of both his children, but Madame Duval commits an unforgivable crime by being a lower class woman pretending to be a French aristocrat. The men can cheat, abuse, rob, kidnap, abandon children and mothers, but Madame Duval does not know her true place in society so she must be punished and contained within the narrative.
I thought not. Yet most of my energy is spent writing these sorts of papers. I enjoy some of them, but what is it going to get me? What will I get out of graduate school? Is it going to make me a better writer? Hardly. It’s made me a worse writer. I spend my time figuring out ways to do very little for that A. I usually wait until the last minute to write my 20 page research papers, and sometimes, I just use a paper I’ve already written, and I spruce it up for the current class. Graduate school has made me dread writing. I don’t have the passion for it that I once did. I envy those bloggers who can write 10 to 15 pages at a time. Writing has been a chore for the last few years that there is little joy anymore. I enjoy posting film reviews, and I sometimes enjoy ranting on topics of sexuality, but I wish I could recapture my love of writing.

I miss being passionate about writing poetry or the soap opera I started writing in seventh grade. Only my sister read it, but it felt so good to create characters and plots. Not the same anymore. I must write a one page response paper every Monday; a 20 page seminar paper; 2 8 page papers, an annotated bibliography, a case study of a scholarly article. I do my damndest to put as little effort in as possible. I go to class and I dread every second of my Monday Melville class. I have no interest in Melville. Not even a chapter about sperm and circle jerking could interest me much. I have to write my response paper on a book I haven’t even opened up, and it’s due by Monday afternoon. And the thing is: I don’t care. As for this blog entry,

Sit on your hands, bite your tongue, and shut the fuck up!

When class is winding down, and the professor is about to dismiss class, don't raise your hand to make a comment. Don't ask something that will keep us there for another twenty minutes. I want to go home so sit on your hands, bite your tongue, and shut the fuck up!

Being a Gay Viewer in the Gay Porn World

MY first porn film was Cop Shack. Don’t remember why I bought it. I’m assuming Damien Crosse. I only watched his three-way scene with Jason Ridge and another actor. It was the first time I ever saw anyone rimmed. It was a turn on. I didn’t follow blogs. I didn’t participate in discussion boards or follow porn stars and directors on twitter the way I do now. I found the film myself. I was turned on by what I saw as an authentic representation of gay sensuality. It never occurred to me two years later that I would be involved in civil and not so civil discussions about g4p, privileging straight men over gay men, hypocrisy involving condom use, and other “controversial” issues surrounding gay porn.

I should say at the outset that I am not turned on by straight porn. I’m gay. Having sex with or thinking about the idea of having sex with women is about as erotic to me as wet socks. I have no issues with straight or bisexual sex. Watching it in porn does not turn me on. It’s not for me just as most straight men aren’t turned on by the idea of sex with a man or watching gay porn. I’m not aroused by seeing a gay man or a gay porn star having sex with a woman. It annoys me when I find that a gay porn performer has sex with women in straight films/scenes. I see nothing wrong with a gay man wanting to watch only gay porn, and I see nothing wrong with wanting gay porn stars to be gay. Not gay for pay, or sometimes gay, or half gay, but fully gay. I never thought the idea of liking straight porn would be a prerequisite for watching and supporting gay porn performers, but I’ve been criticised for being heterophobic, too judgmental, ignorant of the business, closed-minded because I don’t want straight men doing gay porn or gay porn performers doing straight scenes as a means of publicity. Before I started watching gay porn, it would have seemed absurd to me to hire straight men to do something a gay men should be doing.

These days, almost every scene or film has one or more g4pers. Studios that once said they would never hire straight men are now putting straight men under exclusive contracts.  From a gay man’s perspective, it feels like studios and online companies seek out straight men now. I won’t mention names (too much hate mail the last time I did), but look at the exclusives at most of the online and offline studios. A lot of them are straight or non-gay. As a gay men, I feel increasingly cast aside by gay porn. The magazines and blogs concentrate on straight men. Straight porn performers win the awards, and get the magazine covers. Studios put the straight actors forward. More and more films are full of straight performers. It’s increasingly difficult if not impossible to find a film that is solely cast with actual gay men.

As a gay men, I want to support gay porn performers. Gay porn should be about gay sex. I support all sexualities in real life, and all sexualities should be represented in porn, but gay porn should be about gay men having gay sex with gay men. A lot of excuses are given for why g4p needs to continue. “It’s just sex” is a common one. Let me put that one to rest. So many scenes with g4pers follow this pattern: gay performer sucks, rims, gets fucked. Straight performer looks uncomfortable, barely touches gay performer, and he never reciprocates. Straight man also keeps a safe distance away from the gay performers as not to "catch the gay." I call this the Cody Cummings syndrome. Don’t believe me? Check out the latest Man Avenue scene [Girth Brooks and Conner Habib). I see the gay man as being used for the straight man’s pleasure while the straight man does nothing and looks uncomfortable and disgusted the whole time. Whether the performer felt that way is irrelevant. I don’t enjoy gay porn scenarios where the gay performer is debased at the hands of a straight man. Yes, some g4pers do reciprocate, but most do not bottom and most look pained while having gay sex as tops. I know what gay sex looks like. I know how gay men should react. It’s not just sex. It’s gay sex. It’s a gay sensuality. If you’re saying, “It’s just sex” than you’re not doing it properly. Rocco Giovanni had more chemistry with the butt machines on buttmachineboys than most g4pers have with their scene partners. IF you need to know what real gay sensuality looks like, here are some scenes off the top of my head:

Derrek Diamond fucks Park Wiley on Cocksure Men
Spencer Reed fucks Jake Steele on Dominic Ford (or any scene he’s done on DF)
Colby Keller fucks Conner Habib on Dominic Ford (any scene he’s done that’s currently on DF and some on Sean Cody)
Jayden Grey and Cameron Adams on Drake Rock
Tucker Scott and Dean Phoenix on Cocksure Men (or TS’s scene with Lance Bennett)
any scene with Marco Blaze
most of the work Steve Cruz, Bruno Bond, Tony Buff, Alessio Romero and Damien Crosse have done.

There is nothing more sexy or more erotic than when Colby Keller caresses his partner’s face, and hair, and looks into his partner’s eyes. There is nothing sexier than Spencer Reed’s obvious attraction to his partner. OR the way that Alessio Romero or Steve Cruz just devour their scene partners. This is not to say that a non-gay man can’t mimic gay sensuality. Jeremy Bilding does just that, and his gay scenes are amazingly hot and gay positive. He also does not give interviews badmouthing gay sex and gay viewers. He’s open and honest and he discusses issues most performers and studios gay and straight are afraid to discuss. He’s the only one who has spoken about the hypocrisy involving condom use. I may not agree with everything he says, but I admire his fortitude in maintaining as much honesty as he can in an industry built on fantasy. If all non-gay performers were like Jeremy Bilding, this would not be much of an issue although my preference would be to see gay and bi (and real bi not the fake porn bi) men in gay porn.

Speaking of barebacking, you now have the issue of straight or non-gay porn performers like Jeremy Bilding who are forced to wear condoms in their gay scenes, but are permitted to go condomless in their straight scenes. If Bilding must use a condom at Cocksure Men since he because a Channel One exclusive, why is he allowed to bareback in his straight films? The message sent to the fans is that gay sex is so dirty that Bilding must be protected, but straight sex is perfectly safe. LaRue only allows Bilding to have unprotected sex in his straight films.  What are gay fans supposed to take from this? Last time I checked, the Wrap It UP ads didn’t have an asterisk that said, “IF you’re going to do straight scenes, you can go condomless. No biggie.” The double standard is appalling, and it sends an increasingly homophobic message to the fans.  LaRue has never spoken about why she allows Bilding to go condomless in his straight scenes. I was shocked to discover this. I expected better from such a staunch safe sex advocate.

Another excuse is that “fans enjoy g4pers.” A lot of fans like barebacking films. I don’t see major studios making barebacking films because they sell so much better. Many of the studios fear the message sent by producing barebacking films so why not worry about the message sent when you hire straight actors, or allow gay porn performers to do straight scenes with no condoms? I don’t buy that studios give any thought to what fans want. If they really cared about the fans, they wouldn’t do their best to anger a large section of their fans.

Gay fans are becoming increasingly angry and intolerant because they are made to feel unworthy by the privileging of straight men in gay porn and the indifference by studios. If studios didn’t realize the potency of labels, they wouldn’t engage in deceptive labeling themselves. Ex. A new gay porn performer has said he’s straight in interviews and on his twitter. Yet he’s listed as gay on the studio’s website. It’s this kind of deception that alienates gay fans. Why the deception if you're not aware that gay fans want to see gay men? Why label someone at all if labels don't matter?

What celebrities are not asked about their personal lives? Yet if a gay porn fan asks about a performer’s sexuality, all hell breaks loose. Studios go out of their way to lie, equivocate, or mislead fans about a performer’s sexual identity. This doesn’t just happen with straight performers. Some gay performers list themselves as bisexual or straight because they get paid more.

When gay men complain in a civil manner about gp4, we’re called ignorant and closed-minded. We’re told to shut up.  I make no excuses for the vicious attacks and name-calling. I refuse to tolerate that, and I go out of my way to praise performers as an antidote to all of the hate. The appalling behavior by some gay fans does not erase the legitimate questions about g4p, condom use, and propping up of straight performers that are brushed aside or completely ignored. The level of intolerance is increasing, and I have to create a long ass blog entry because discussions are so hostile that I just remove myself because it’s too easy to get mired in the venom. Where did this hostility come from?

I think it came from the collision of Prop 8 and the promotion and release of Shifting Gears. At the very moment that rights were being taken away from gay men and women, Chi-Chi Larue and Blake Riley were promoting the movie where Blake Riley went straight and loved it. A fact that was mentioned ad nauseam as my google searches turned up. A case of very bad timing, and a case of taking something very inflammatory (g4p) and further insulting the gay audience by taking C1’s biggest star and putting him in a film where he’d have sex with a woman. An ex-gay ministry could not have sent out a more homophobic message, and this message was sent out at a low point for gay rights. It’s a wound that is still open. I didn’t hear about the film until fall of 2009 so I don’t have the emotional connection to Prop 8 that others do. I think the film was a crass and stupid idea, and the promotion for the film to be deeply disturbing and homophobic. And when I see a straight porn studio having a major straight porn actor do a gay film, and the advertising insisting, “He goes gay and loves it!” then I’ll rethink my position. Of course, that would never happen because the straight studios know enough not to insult their fans. Only in gay porn do studios insult their fans, and then complain when the fans resent it.

You can follow me on twitter at @chrism799

MY lack of a coming Out

I never came out because I was never in. I never doubted that I was gay. I never played the girlfriend game. I never pretended to be straight or bisexual. Have a feeling the Antonio Banderas posters in my room were big clues that I was gay. My family always supported me. There were no tears, no “is it my fault?” moments. Never bullied at school. I was a member of the French Club, Future Teachers of America Club (must have had a crush on a boy to join that club), Choir, Yearbook, Volleyball Team, debating team, Treasurer, German Club, Honours Society, etc. My straight classmates were always supportive. If there were homophobic students, I never saw or felt it.

The only problems I had from others came from gay men who were angry that I didn’t have to come out. They resented how easy being gay was for me. There was also resentment that I dated boys right away. I know some gay men feel they are more gay because they had sex with a woman or women and rejected straight sex so they are better gays. Never slept with a woman. Never had a desire to sleep with a woman. Women are wonderful, but they are not for me. Too often, I hear gay men use sleeping with woman as a badge of honour as if that makes them better than a gay man who never doubted his sexuality. We all come to the same realisation so why is one path better than the other?